we Page 769 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hugh Johnson's Hangover
Yep, college football is back for real. There was a an exciting, competitive, and meaningful game last night and some forward thinker actually televised it! Cal finished off their two year home-and-home against Tennessee in style with a 45-31 victory. The game offered up a showcase for those who lov...
Clay Is Dry and Ready
While We were all busy watching college football Clay Buchholz was having his way with the Oh-ree-yoles (stupid asbestos) to the tune of zero hits over nine innings. He becomes the third Major Leaguer to throw a no-hitter this season and the 21st rookie to accomplish the feat. Buchholz was as effici...
At The End, There Is Just Ned
• Alas, only Ned. • Mark Cuban, dancin'. • ESPN hires its fans. Well, no, but it pretends its employees are fans. Clever, you! • We'll never understand the President Of Red Sox Nation thing. • Vick pleaded guilty. You might have heard about it. • Mike Tyson's poop. • Dickey Simpkins, one good dad. •...
South Carolina Needs A Spokesperson!
Just over at the South Carolina Tourisim official site, and do you know what? They don't have a spokesperson. This should be remedied, and of course there are only two candidates who could handle it. Miss Teen South Carolina; and Blowie, the mascot for the Coastal Plain League Columbia, S.C. Blowfi...
Free Garchar!
Garchar organized the above placard prank, forcing the rival school's fans to spell out "WE SUCK" unknowingly, and we have to say, if we were a 17-year-old high school senior, that would have been the highlight of our lives. Unfortunately, the school didn't find it as funny; he was suspended for it....
I Can Haz Maps Of The Iraq, And Such As ... ?
We've had some fun at the expense of our friend Lauren Caitlin Upton, the Miss Teen South Carolina who mangled a beauty pageant question so completely on Friday that the entire world is talking about it. Such as. But now it seems some real good has come of all this. A new web site has launched, Maps...
NFL Season Preview: New England Patriots
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we're going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it....
Wells Lumbers To Victory In Dodgers Debut
We have just learned what David Wells had been doing between the time the Padres cut him on Augus 6 and he was signed by the Dodgers last week. He was surfing, according to him. Mitch Yost-like, no doubt, shooting the curl at Imperial Beach like a sleek seal. Come on Wells, you never once left The B...
Hey, The CFL Ain't So Bad
So you just can't wait until the NFL starts up? The suspense is killing you? Well, in Canada it's been football season for quite some time now. And I'm not saying that in some kind of pompous "I mean real football, which you silly Americans call soccer" fashion....
Tom Brady has eight more bastard children to go if he wants to catch up to Travis Henry. The Denver Broncos running back "fathered" nine children scattered about the southern United States, using nine different mommies. Somehow that $25 million contract wasn't enough to write off his unpaid child su...
Goodell Definitely Suspends Vick Indefinitely
Back in Catholic high school, when our dress code was a shirt and tie, one day a student came to class in proper dress code. When the teacher stepped out for a second, he tore off his collared shirt and khaki pants to reveal his underlying outfit: a waterskiing wetsuit. He didn't get in trouble for ...
Ookie, Ned, 2/1/07 And A Little Horse That Couldn't
• There was some Hall of Fame voting. • Sally Jenkins is awesome. • Thirty freaking runs. • We will never, ever wear a Texas shirt. • Hirshey was there for that madness in the Meadowlands. • His newspaper is not being nice to Stephen A. Smith. • Comcast ... CLEVER! • Get yourself a fuck lion, stat. ...
Hey Everyone, Look Who's Back!
Yes, David Wells is now a Dodger. For in-depth analysis of this move, we of course go to Touch 'Em All, Alyssa Milano's comprehensive Dodgers blog. Hmm, nothing. Well, I should have guessed. (Those headbands do look nice, though)....
Your Socks Appear To Be Somewhat Damp
There are so many teams in sports with terrible nicknames. We're not talking about the Redskins; we mean legitimately stupid ones. We think there might be nothing worse than the Toronto Raptors; does anyone even remember Jurassic Park anymore? And don't get us started on the 54,234 teams named "Wild...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as authorities decide, as part of his sentence, to place a live skunk in Vick's cell each morning ... • Basketball: FIBA, Americas Championship, preliminary round, USA vs. Venezuela, at Las Vegas. The lack of defense that occurs in Vegas, stays in Vegas. [ESPN Classic] • Little League ...
Brandon Webb, Still Shutting People Down
Tonight, against the first-place (for now!) Milwaukee Brewers, Arizona pitcher Brandon Webb is attempting to extend his 42 consecutive inning scoreless sheet. He's 17 innings away from tying Orel Hershiser's record of 59 — Orel Hershiser married a girl from Mattoon, by the way — and that's just two ...
Spree Could Probably Use That Cash About Now
Sure, it was all fun and games to make fun of Latrell Sprewell for turning down a $21 million contract a few years ago because he "had to feed his family." Well, that family, which has apparently been floating around on a Milwaukee boat, is about to get hungrier....