whimsy Page 54 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Can Anyone Tell Us What This Weird, Sexually Explicit "Hooker Application" Is? (NSFWish)
We received this intriguing document from reader Steve, who says he was cleaning out a storage unit full of old tenants' stuff, and found this in a dresser. It's a very detailed, very intimate questionnaire, and neither he nor we have any idea what in the heck it's for....
Wild Animal Bites Soccer Player Mid-Match
Can animals be idiots? Or maybe we can call Zurich's Loris Benito an idiot for trying to capture the marten—which Wikipedia informs is a wolverine/badger-like animal that feeds on squirrels, rabbits, mice and human digits apparently—during a Swiss Super League match with FC Thun today. He was able...
Chicago's Kiss Cam Is Almost As Hot As The Blackhawks
Here's a lady and gent thoroughly enjoying their time on the United Center's Kiss Cam during the Blackhawks win over the Colorado Avalanche. And why not? The Blackhawks won again tonight with a last-minute goal from Daniel Carcillo; it was his first of the season. Jonathan Toews also chipped in wit...
!["Absolutely Brazen" Woman Steals Two Police Cars In Two Cities In Two States [Updated With Photo And Video]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18gknmk5qe9zmjpg.jpg)
"Absolutely Brazen" Woman Steals Two Police Cars In Two Cities In Two States [Updated With Photo And Video]
Florida? Ohio? Wrong! This one happened in both New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and in the neighboring cities of Camden and Philadelphia. It began with a cop in Camden making a routine traffic stop for a vehicle violation just before 10 a.m., only to have his unattended cruiser stolen by a man and a wo...
A Performance Of The Ages
On Saturday, No. 3 Duke beat No. 5 Miami 79-76 in a revenge match for Hurricanes' January throttling—"they even slapp[ed] the floor in an apparent jab at the Blue Devils' tradition"!—and as Coach K. said, it was our privilege....
Thief Breaks Into Popeye's, Eats 16 Slices Of Pie, Gets Tired From Eating All The Pie, Takes Nap, Gets Arrested
A enterprising and hungry man recently committed maybe the most agreeable crime in the history of Baltimore, and surely tested the limits of the Baltimore PD's tactical command units in the process, by breaking into a Popeye's, committing a daring robbery, and then......
Entire School District Locked Down Because Someone Misheard A Fresh Prince Lyric
Life got flip-turned upside down this morning in a suburban Pittsburgh school district. Everyone was chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool—at least until a doctor's office employee called a 19-year-old high school student to confirm an appointment. When the employee heard the student's outgoing v...
Here's A Weird Arnold-Schwarzenegger-Themed Music Video We Found
The Arnold Classic, one of the biggest stops on the professional bodybuilding tour, is going on in Columbus, Ohio, this weekend. To mark the occasion, here's "Arnold," by Australian DJ Luke Million, spliced with clips and samples from 1977's Pumping Iron. It's strange and we like it....
Brewers' Racing Sausage Thieves Took Their Prize On A Boozy Bender
More details about the recent theft of Guido the Italian Sausage have emerged, and they come courtesy of those who carried out the heist. Ted Berg of USA Today Sports received a message from the sausage thieves, and under the condition of maintaining their anonymity, they told him all about the grea...
Kim Jong Un And Dennis Rodman Are Now Friends For Life
Curious about how gigantic weirdo Dennis Rodman's trip to North Korea is going? It's going great! Today, Rodman took in an exhibition basketball game with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. They watched members of the Harlem Globetrotters take on a North Korean "dream team," and then became besties...
![A Hero Emerges In The Milwaukee Racing Sausage-Napping [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18fzhpk4dbfedjpg.jpg)
A Hero Emerges In The Milwaukee Racing Sausage-Napping [UPDATE]
We told you earlier today about the theft of beloved Brewers Italian racing sausage, Guido. The whereabouts of Guido and his thieving conspirators—it's got to be at least a two-man job at this point—remain a mystery. Their days may be numbered however thanks to one brave woman's plan: free mustard....
One Of The Brewers' Racing Sausages Is Missing
Disaster in Milwaukee: Guido the Italian Sausage, pictured above to the far left, was last seen barhopping in a local suburb the weekend before last, only it's not clear who was wearing the $3,000 costume or where it went....
Mike Woodson's Shirt Is The Best Shirt
This amazing picture comes to us courtesy of the Wall Street Journal's Chris Herring. That's Knicks head coach Mike Woodson wearing a shirt that bears his own stoic visage above the word "Coach." It's so simple yet so hilarious, and it's the best wardrobe decision that any NBA coach has ever made....
Guy Who Ran Onto The Court During A Toronto Raptors Game Wearing "Bucket List" Shirt Has Super-Lame Bucket List
Last night, a fan interrupted the Knicks-Raptors game in Toronto—during the fourth quarter, when the teams was within two—by running out on to the court and circling around a bit. His foray was short lived, as you can see in the photo above, and we salute the quick work of security personnel at the ...
Here's Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Wearing A Darth Vader Mask And Posing With Katherine Webb
If we wanted to, we could probably track down information that would add context to this photo. But we aren't going to do that, because context does not matter in this case. All that matters is that this photo exists and that it makes us laugh, as do all photos of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar posing with sh...
Australian Man Fights Cactus, Cactus Wins
With beer snakes, kangaroo delays, and a giant doping scandal, Australia is rapidly becoming our second-favorite sporting nation. Canada has some more catching up to do after this, a decidedly unsanctioned MMA bout between a shirtless man and an unsuspecting-but-not-defenseless cactus. The real wi...
"I Am A Nasty Cribbage Player": NBA All-Stars Discuss What They Could Beat Michael Jordan At Today
The Basketball Jones did a twist on the usual Michael Jordan's birthday fare. Acknowledging that he is one of the most competitive humans on the planet (and pretty good at basketball), TBJ went around asking the All-Stars in Houston what they could beat MJ at, at his advanced age....
University Of Minnesota Head Coach Tubby Smith's Victory Dance Is All Kinds Of Awesome
The Minnesota Golden Gophers pulled out a thrilling overtime victory against the Wisconsin Badgers last night, and the postgame mood in Gophers' locker room was understandably light. Everyone was feeling so good that head coach Tubby Smith was only able to get one sentence into his postgame speech...
Hockey Dad Who Heckled Child, Made Threats While Holding Infant Reportedly Also Cheered When Kid Got Hurt
Father of the Year candidate Jason Boyd, whose caught-on-video outburst at a youth hockey game in Winnipeg we told you about yesterday, didn't just stop at calling a player "a midget" before threatening the boy's father, all while also holding a child in his arms. Nope. Boyd's behavior allegedly g...
![James Harrison Has Joined A Dodgeball League [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18enmrolhp3hhjpg.jpg)
James Harrison Has Joined A Dodgeball League [UPDATE]
James Harrison, who had knee surgery last year and two back surgeries the year before, turns 35 in May. The Steelers are in salary-cap hell, and one of the biggest decisions they'll make this offseason is whether to keep the former NFL defensive player of the year around. In the meantime, Harrison h...