whimsy Page 53 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Can Groupon Tell Us About Alex Rodriguez?
A lot. It can tell us a lot. Like, according to a scientific analysis, including but not limited to the sale of plush MLB and NFL dolls, Derek Jeter is roughly 60 times more popular than Alex Rodriguez. That's a bit of an unfair comparison, though—I mean, Mr. November!—let's check some other figure...
One Greek Soccer Team Needed A Sponsor, And A Brothel Saved The Day
American sports fans know that sponsorship deals can occasionally veer into the realm of the unfortunate—Enron Field, anyone?—but enlisting the deep pockets of a brothel isn't something we'll likely see here any time soon. One amateur soccer team in Greece, though, had no other choice and needed to ...
Because Everything Is Better With Legos And Stirring Music, Here Is The Space Jump With Both Of Those Things
Felix Baumgartner, who for a moment was at the top of the world—or was it the bottom? I failed science—has been immortalized in a way only a man who has just broken the sound barrier can be immortalized. Legos!...
According To The Cleveland Browns, Brandon Weeden Is 129 Years Old
Brandon Weeden is 29 years old. Which makes him old for a rookie first-round draft pick, but not old for a human being. 129 years is exactly 100 years older than Brandon Weeden is and that is old for a human being, rookie first-round draft pick or otherwise. According to reader Nathan, what you see...
For The Michael Jordan Fan Who Has Everything, There Is McJordan Barbecue Sauce
Lest you think McDonalds just slaps a "Mc" in front of shit and sells it as something new and not entirely disgusting, here is some "McJordan BBQ Sauce" from the early nineties delicacy, the McJordan Burger, for sale on eBay. The McJordan, you may recall "is a quarter-pound hamburger with smoked bac...
Sportswriters Team Up To Remind Robert Horry Of The Time His Shorts Fell Down
What's happening here? No one pictured was quite sure, at first. Marcel Mutoni tweeted this out on Tuesday, and the sportswriters in the first row had no clue what the deal was, so, like the reporters they are, they chimed into get Robert Horry's comment. Howard Beck (now on the Brooklyn Nets beat f...
Kansas City Royals Broadcaster May Have Written The Next Great Love Song
To my mind, the most important part of a love song is a memorable first line. It's also the hardest part. So it was with great admiration and not just a little jealousy that we viewed Royals pre and post-game man Joel Goldberg's sneak peek into the writing process....
Don't You Dare Fall Asleep During One Of Marco Chiudinelli's Tennis Matches
During a match Thursday at the Japan Open, Marco Chiudinelli was so annoyed about a sleeping fan in the stands that he asked Janko Tipsarevic, a top 10 player in the world, to do something about it before the next point was played. As for Tipsarevic throwing a ball at the offending narcoleptic? Th...
The Jets Are Currently Getting De-Pantsed By the 49ers; Is It Time For Something New?
The Jets offense is dead. The roster is lousy with the crippled and infirm. The faith of supports wanes or disappears completely with each incompletion. It is seriously raining hail in New York right now....
Falcons Safety Thomas DeCoud Played The Meow Game During An Interview On <em>SportsCenter</em>
Super Troopers has long been a cultural touchstone for shaggy-haired college dudes who like to watch movies when they're stoned. Spend enough time in any dormitory, and you're bound to hear someone yell, "He's already pulled over, he can't pull over any farther!" and then laugh before taking anot...
Remember When A Shirtless Jose Canseco Really <i>Meant</i> Something?
The year was 1990 and the times were simple. Boston was still pink hat-less. Barry Bonds was a skinny Pirate. Billy Beane was one year removed from a 54 OPS+ season, his final one. And Jose Canseco appeared on various baseball cards in blue jeans—no shirt. The image was used for several cards, but n...
Woman Loses Entire Row Of Bottom Teeth In Fight After Notre Dame Game, Police Looking For Case Of Natural Light
Our man Hickey alerted us to this one earlier in the day and there are no words. If there are any words, Law & Order: Bumblefuck America are about the only ones....
Happiness Is An Enormous Bird
Public transportation is a wonderful thing; a cheap way of getting from A to B if you're not in all that much of a hurry, with the added benefit of the entire world on display for you at any given moment. Sometimes you see a homeless woman hunched over the newspapers she is obsessively shredding, s...
For Your Consideration: A Man Wearing An Airbrushed T-Shirt With John Elway As Adolf Hitler
I'm not saying the guy is as bad as Hitler. That's definitely not what I'm saying. Hitler, we all know, was a real motherfucker. I'm just sayin', Elway? The guy's a dick, you know? And the fans? Do not get me started. Thinking they're so special with their mile high salute. Well how 'bout this salu...
Faceless Florida Gator Is Kind Of Horrific
The Florida Gators find themselves down a touchdown to rivals Tennessee in Knoxville tonight, and it seems one Gators player can't bear to show his face out of embarrassment—either that, or Will Muschamp tore it off in a fit of rage....
Maybe The Dodgers' Woes Can Be Linked To The Fact They're Practicing Without A Baseball
The Los Angeles Dodgers have a little bit of a problem scoring runs. They're 26th among all MLB teams, and it's became notable news when they can accomplish something as trite as scoring twice in a single inning. ("A really strange thing," as the Los Angeles Times called it.) So it seems weird tha...
This R2D2 Keg Is The Droid You've Been Looking For Your Entire Life
Meet R2DKEG, the most popular drug-dispensing robot at the LSU tailgate (because C-3PBLOW will not fucking shut up)....
Undercover Cops Fucking Love Wearing Old NFL Jerseys
We've received two dispatches from reader Al G. concerning the undercover police presence at Electric Zoo. Electric Zoo, by the way is a festival for music made by computers or something....
Josh Hamilton's Snot Rockets Are Uniquely Personal
When nature calls for the removal of foreign objects from the nostrils, most of us modestly seek some kind of privacy for the act. Not Josh Hamilton. The Rangers slugger, indeed, wants to share his snot rockets with everyone. It's almost romantic. [FSSW]...
Howie Kendrick's Mustache Last Night Was, Erm, Unique
Last night's 14-13 Angels win over Boston in extras was a testament to agricultural arson, but some viewers seemed preoccupied with the status of Howie Kendrick's mustache....