whimsy Page 56 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Delmon Young Can Earn $600,000 In Bonus Money By Not Being A Fat Mess
On Tuesday, the Philadelphia Phillies signed Delmon Young, noted anti-semite and worst player to ever win the ALCS MVP, to a one-year, $750,000 contract. Today, we learned that Young's contract has one very peculiar stipulation. From the AP:...
"Find The Asshole, That's Where That Knuckle Goes": A Young Jim Harbaugh On How To Play Quarterback
The two-minute video clip above is taken from a much longer video, in which Jim Harbaugh imparts his wisdom of the quarterback position on an assembly of quarterback coaches. The entire video is over an hour long, but we've cut it down to the most entertaining portion for the sake of your amusemen...
Canadian Figure Skaters Are A Menace
So, you're minding your business (or pleasure) in your tidy Delta Meadowvale hotel room in Mississauga and then, bam! Chaos. Figure skaters everywhere. One man had his cheek cut. He was OK and didn't need any medical attention, but I mean come on. The police were even called....
Celebrating Goalkeeper Hops Around On Ass
People are weird. It explains almost everything that ever happens in the world, but sometimes words are not enough. Sometimes images hammer home the sentiment. Muteba Kidiaba, a goalkeeper for the DR Congo national team, is today's example....
Colin Kaepernick's Parents Posed In Front Of A Statue Depicting The Atlanta Falcons Giving Their Son A Wedgie
Satisfactory headline? Satisfactory headline. The Falcons appear to have taken the Pregame Tailgate Extreme Fanzone Sponsored By State Farm deal to a whole new level today. It proved to be a photo opportunity proud parents Rick and Teresa Kaepernick could not pass up: Number 1 in your heart and num...
Watch The Baltimore Police Department's Crazed, Militaristic Tribute To The Ravens (Includes Cop Rap)
Oh dear. What can one even say about this video, created by the Baltimore police department in anticipation of this weekend's AFC championship game between the Ravens and the Patriots? It's got everything that a terrible hype video needs: "Seven Nation Army" playing the background, bad camera angl...
The NFL Is Pretty Damn Funny When Subjected To Some Bad Lip Reading
If you use the internet on a regular basis, you've probably come across one of those Bad Lip Reading videos. Many of them are funny, but this one in particular caught our attention because it features NFL players....
Dirk Nowitzki Tries To Crash A Video Review, Gets Stonewalled By Awesome Security Guard
I was not previously aware of the fact that there are NBA security guards whose job it is to prevent players from getting too close to the referees during video reviews. But as the video above shows, such security guards do indeed exist, and one of them got into a hilarious tête-à-tête with Dirk N...
Every Headline About Derrick Rose Is A Black Pit Of Sadness
Here’s a bunch of headlines—written during the past week—about Derrick Rose’s attempts to return to the basketball court that will make you really sad:...
High School Special Teams Player Has The Best Recruiting Mixtape Of All Time
Ryan Potter is a senior cornerback at Montgomery Bell Academy in Nashville, Tenn., and the star of the video above. Ryan's looking to take his football career to the next level, and so he has put together a rousing mixtape of his most impressive on-field exploits in the hopes that he will catch th...
Hammer-Wielding Yinzer Tries To Break Into Steelers Locker Room
A man wearing (only?) a Pittsburgh Pirates hat and gray sweatpants attempted to break into the Steelers locker room at Heinz Field Saturday with a hammer. Security at the stadium noted that he busted a lock at Gate B to gain entry to the stadium and then took his own personal tour of the playing fi...
Whimsical Local News Segment On The Vikings Turns Violent, Hilarious
Everyone in Minnesota was in a frenzy about the Vikings' rematch with the rival Packers yesterday. So, local news stations, why not send your reporters to fancy-looking restaurants to see how football-crazy the town is? As Edward R. Murrow said, "One can never go wrong with the two Fs and P. The tw...
Moose Chasing Someone Skiing? Moose Chasing Someone Skiing.
Sometime around Christmas, somewhere on a slope at Sugarbush, a ski resort in Vermont. Moose chasing someone skiing....
Elated Redskins Fan Tackling A Christmas Tree? Elated Redskins Fan Tackling A Christmas Tree
The description of this YouTube video reads: "if the redskins make the playoffs, i'm going to tackle the christmas tree!" - dad. Well, dad did not disappoint, and we are all better for it. I can't imagine an image that more perfectly captures the joy of holiday season football than that of a grown...
American Hero Poses For Embarrassing Photo Opportunity
Part of the deal with big events like Bowl games is that due to the corporate-like nature of each these days, you've got to do a lot of glad-handing with a bunch of yutzes in suits. The Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl is no different....
Anderson Varejao Wig Night Was Exactly The Whimsical Clown-Nightmare You Would Hope For
The Cleveland Cavaliers on Friday gave away 10,000 wigs to fans for "Wild Thing Wig Night," a.k.a. Anderson Varejao Wig Night, a.k.a. Sideshow Bob Appreciation Night, a.k.a. Bill Walton Merkin Night, a.k.a. Beyoncé Perm Re-enactment Night, a.k.a. Mad Hatter Cosplay Night, a.k.a. Will Ferrell as Ja...
The Memphis Grizzlies' "Lifetime Supply Of Tater Tots" Giveaway Is A Vicious Lie
The Memphis Grizzlies are running an ostensibly fun promotion that received a write-up in yesterday's Wall Street Journal: instead of cash or a car, the lucky Grizzlies fan randomly selected to take a shot from half-court will get—quote—"a lifetime supply of Tater Tots" from Sonic should the shot ha...
Philly Motorist Finds Snow-Drawn Penis With His Parking Ticket
As anyone who's ever tried street-parking a car in Center City Philadelphia knows, the town's parking authority is notoriously efficient at issuing tickets. But one unlucky driver discovered earlier today that the ticket isn't always the biggest dick move....
Straight From 1984, Here's The Disco Version Of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" That Never Quite Caught On
A reader named Brian, presumably going through his old VHS tapes, has been uploading a number of old Virginia news broadcasts. He sent along this one, a 1984 broadcast from Hampton Roads station WAVY-10, about the Tidewater Tides (then the Mets AAA affiliate) and a local band trying to update the ...
Virgil Held An Impromptu Question And Answer Session On Twitter And It Was Virgilicious
Former professional wrestler and body guard Virgil is fascinating. He first leapt into our hearts with tales of his sad sack routine at Wrestling expos, including this most recent edition of the Virgilbag, where he conned a couple of fans into manning his booth while he took a 45-minute piss. On Sa...