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The Olympic Opening Ceremonies Are Pointless And Weak
Given all the controversy Redditors generated last week by hosting a rapist confessional thread, I began to wonder: What would happen if you confessed a phony murder on Reddit? What if got you an anonymous account and then wrote a very long-winded chronicle of the time when you were 18 and stumbled ...

Ryan Sweeney Punched A Door, And The Door Won
The Red Sox are healthy for the first time all year. The braintrust, including Bobby Valentine, Larry Lucchino and Ben Cherington, held a lengthy meeting and apparently decided not to trade Josh Beckett or Jacoby Ellsbury, but rather to go for it—after all, they're just four games out of a wild card...

70,000 Penn State Fans "Like" This Facebook Post Demanding An Apology From ESPN For "Dragging Joe Pa Through The Mud"
Every time we publish one of those "look at all these crazy Penn State fans" posts, Nittany Lions fans pour in with the complaints that the Paterno defenders and child rape-enabler deniers are a small but vocal faction and that the majority of the PSU community doesn't think that way. We're incline...

A Synchronized Diving Coach Misses His Chair When Trying To Sit, And It's Way Funnier In Slow Motion
See? We told ya. To paraphrase Dave Chappelle, everything's funnier in slow motion....

NBC Interviewed A Random Tourist About The Queen, And Didn't Realize He Was Evander Holyfield
This morning's Today Show was still, for some reason, talking about that opening ceremony bit with Daniel Craig and HRH Queen Elizabeth II. They decided to get some "man on the street" comments from tourists in front of Buckingham Palace, and one of them was Evander Holyfield! Blink and you'll mis...
![The Official SEC Store Is Now Selling A "Texas A&M Bulldogs" Hat [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17ufnsbu0spyejpg.jpg)
The Official SEC Store Is Now Selling A "Texas A&M Bulldogs" Hat [UPDATE]
Texas A&M has already had a rough start in the SEC, and this isn't a sign that things are getting better....

Penn State "Adequately Covered" For Impending Civil Suits
Penn State president Rodney Erickson recently sat down with Bob Schieffer of CBS's Face The Nation program for an interview that will be aired tomorrow. The clip below focuses on the looming civil suits against Penn State and the school's preparedness to handle them....

Joe Paterno Statue Has Left The Building
According to reports, the Joe Paterno Statue has been removed from Beaver Stadium. It was loaded into a truck and is en route to a secure location until everyone forgets about it "a permanent location is decided."...

Our Experts On Fashion And Danny Boyle Are Here To Discuss The Opening Ceremony. Join Us.
Hey! How about that opening ceremony that concluded a few minutes ago? Now we get to watch it! Thanks NBC. ...

Failure At The Mile High Club
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
![Missing: One Giant Furry Green Mascot, Believed To Be Walking Around Boston [UPDATE: Found!]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17u52sy9081gdjpg.jpg)
Missing: One Giant Furry Green Mascot, Believed To Be Walking Around Boston [UPDATE: Found!]
Wally the Green Monster, the semi-beloved mascot of the Boston Red Sox, has gone AWOL. The theft was reported to BPD at 2:22 pm, and the suspect is believed to STILL BE WEARING THE COSTUME SOMEWHERE AROUND BOSTON RIGHT NOW....

Legendary Badass Ellis Valentine Has The Perfect 70s Playlist For Your Weekend
Dan Epstein—the leading chronicler of 70s baseball—asked former Expo and Met (and Crenshaw High superstar!) Ellis Valentine for his perfect party playlist. And Valentine brought it. The songs are funky as all hell. [Instream Sports]...

American Beach Volleyball Players Respect The Sanctity Of The Bikini
You may notice some wardrobe changes while watching beach volleyball at these Olympics: A good number of teams will forego the traditional bikini in favor of loose-fitting shorts and t-shirts. But not the principled American women! The U.S. beach volleyball team will stick with the briefest of unifo...

The Murdoch Mad Genius Who Gave Us Game Scores, A Dancing NFL Robot, And A Glowing Hockey Puck Is Leaving Fox Sports
There was a very quiet announcement on Monday: David Hill—a man most people haven't heard of, but whose innovations you know all too well—is leaving Fox Sports. Hill ran Fox Sports since its creation in 1993, and his departure sent sports media geeks into a tizzy:...

Cop Who Called Carl Crawford A "Monday," Which Is A Racial Slur, Has Been Fired
In what is surely one of the most head-scratchiest instances of racism directed toward an athlete, the Massachusetts cop who heckled Carl Crawford during a minor-league rehab assignment in New Hampshire has been fired by his town's mayor, after being suspended for the past week. The Boston Globe has...

Olympics Memory: Beijing's Many Mascots Get An Un-Friendly Welcome
As the London Olympic mascots, Wenlock and Mandeville, greet visitors with their expressionless, chilling, cyclopean stares, we remember the controversial unveiling of the previous Summer Olympics mascots. In this excerpt from Tom Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Futu...

Olympic Swimmers Already Humping, Or Possibly Preparing To Hump, Australian Newspapers Report
The Hot Sexxxy Olympics of Sex don't officially begin until tomorrow, with all the hot sexy athlete sex, but some Olympians aren't even waiting for the opening ceremony to start sexing at the Sexlympics. ALLEGEDLY MAYBE....

Has Mitch Moreland Doomed His Newborn Son By Naming Him Crue?
Drew just went over this not even a couple of weeks ago, the seemingly growing epidemic of worsening baby names across the country. And now, much to our (read: his) chagrin, the newborn son of Mitch Moreland has become the latest poster child for this wave of unholy child-naming....

Superman, Drunk Girls, And <em>Life of Pi</em>: Let's Look At Some Movie Trailers!
In this installment of Trailer Hitch, our semi-regular rundown of the biggest recent movie trailers, I've got a superhero flick, a broad comedy, a couple Oscar contenders, and a dance movie. Who says Hollywood only caters to one type of audience? Also, I would love to meet the person who is really e...

Olympics Field Guide: The Embattled (And First-Ever) United States Women's Boxing Team
Names: Marlen Esparza, Claressa Shields, and Quanitta "Queen" Underwood...