What Not To Put In Your Pants

We've been watching this White Sox-Cubs spitball feud with much amusement. It all started when White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle pretty much accused Cubs future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux of cheating, saying he "very well may be using something." (He didn't say his name specifically, going more for the "his name rhymes with 'Sneg Faggex'" argument.)

The Cubs have fired back, in a much more hysterical way. Cubs closer Ryan Dempster responded to Buehrle's charges this weekend.

"Basically I use snot if I have it. Mark, you caught me. I'm glad, with your busy schedule, you had nothing else to do but imply I was using spit on the ball. Doing the relieving thing, I don't have enough time to think of things like that. Although I know that one of the White Sox players, I heard, is using some sort of atomic bomb in his jockstrap."

That person, of course, is Carl Everett. But the bomb is only for women. Seriously. No men or dinosaurs, please.

Buehrle Tweaked By Cubs "Cheater" [Chicago Tribune]