The Oakland Raiders. Just that name makes you think of dudes in skull masks, draped in chains, guzzling motor oil and punching their grandmothers in the face. The team added two more malcontents in the offseason: wide receiver Randy Moss — whose Raiders jersey has already become the league's best seller — and running back Lamont Jordan, who begged for years to leave the New York Jets, where he was stuck behind Curtis Martin.

Jordan is a big, bad man, and in the new Sports Illustrated, he is photographed in a sleeveless shirt, looking intimidating. Then the interview starts, and out comes this gem:

If I could date any celebrity, I'd say Mariah Carey. Not so much to date her but just to sit down and talk.... The love I have for her music is incredible.

We can't even begin to imagine what that conversation might possibly be like. Though we hope Jordan's more into the early "Vision of Love" stuff than anything from Glitter. We're sorry: We think Lamont Jordan is a total wimp now.

First Person: Lamont Jordan [SI.com]