Are you like us? Did you spend last night with your eyeballs rubber-cemented to the television screen, desperate to see who was going to win the ESPYs? Could Lance Armstrong three-peat? Who would win craziest play? What exactly does Curt Schilling look like in a tux? These are important questions. We had to know, and fast.
Apparently, some people disagree. This guy over at the Baltimore City Paper claims the ESPYs are "pointless" and "idiotic." Come on, man!
Can you name an ESPY winner? Does Tiger Woods, recipient of a record 15 ESPYs, use his trophies as targets at the driving range so he can earn real awards like tailored green jackets and oversized platters? Would Woods melt his entire ESPY cache down if it meant winning a single major? What does an ESPY even look like?
Oh, you spoilsport. We're going to go back and watch the Best Bowler award in slow-mo now, if you'll excuse us.