Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Bob Kravitz

OK, our problem with Bob Kravitz isn't that he's a terrible writer. (He isn't.) It's that too often he phones it in. No, check that — he often doesn't even bother to phone, instead stuffing his column into the backpack of a mental patient, who then wanders in the general direction of the Indianapolis Star. Yes, Bob can be a very lazy writer. But before we detail the crimes and misdemeanors, let's go to the vital statistics:

Name: Bob Kravitz.
Columnist: Indianapolis Star.
Attended: Indiana University.
Nicknames: The Suck; Boob Kravitz; Master of the Obvious.
Most often seen on: NBCSports.com (contributing writer).
Best Question During an IndyStar.com Online Chat: "Why don't you go back to Denver? Seriously, no one wants you here, and I'm sure you could do some great work bashing Jake Plummer and writing columns on how terrible Jerry Rice really was. Indianapolis is sick of you and your crappy columns and bad attitude. Go away. (Jim from Indianapolis)." [IndyStar.Com]
Most resembles: Ryan Stiles (The Drew Carey Show).

The formula for a typical Kravitz column is much the same as it is for a bad TV sports announcer: Tell the viewer what he just saw by stating the obvious. Add to that the propensity for short, one-sentence paragraphs, and you have largely unreadable results. In our scientific study of 10 Kravitz columns, we noted an average of 26 paragraphs per column, which is very high. This one, on the Pacers-Pistons brawl, came in at 31. That's a lot of blank space per effort — kind of like when a potato chip manufacturer seals in a lot of air to make the bag feel heftier.

But even worse can be when Kravitz doesn't phone it in. Then you get moments like this, from his column on the NBA dress code:

"What? You lose the privilege to disagree just because you re rich? When I hear people say, 'Just shut up, take your money and buy some suits,' I hear something else.

Hey, just shut up and be happy you ve got your seat on the bus."

Whoa, slow down, Atticus Finch. Scout needs some help with the ham costume before you head back to the courthouse.

Bob Kravitz Archive [Indianapolis Star]