Rocky Balboa's Bladder Is Leaking

We haven't done many updates on the new Rocky movie here, mainly because that's like, you know, not actually sports — this is also why we're sorely lacking in WWE coverage, though, before you go after us, we recognize that it requires athletic ability, OK? — and because we're not Bill Simmons. That said, we were amused and kind of impressed when these pictures of Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa were posted on the Rocky Balboa blog over the weekend.

Sure, Stallone isn't a kid anymore, but, all told, we wouldn't mind looking like that when we're 60 years old (which Stallone will be in April). You wanna make fun of him? Take a gander at what his old pal Arnold Schwarzennegger is looking like these days.

We're still unclear of the plot of the new movie, though we know Antonio Tarver is playing someone named "Mason Dixon." We were discussing the movie with some friends this weekend, though, and, if this isn't too Simmons of us, we had an idea. We think it should be like Rocky IV, except instead of a Russian foe, it should be a fundamentalist Muslim. (Think a 76 percent less racist Glass Tiger.) At the end, when Rocky wins, he gives the exact same speech he did at the end of that movie, except it's broadcast over Al-Jazeera. World peace results.

Hey, like it's any less realistic than a 60-year-old man fighting.

Rocky Balboa Blog [Sony Pictures]
Arnold Vs. Rocky [The700Level]
Antonio Tarver Bio [StarBoxing]