Steroids ... The Musical!

People are taking this steroid stuff too seriously, we think. We're in the midst of reading "Game Of Shadows" right now, and even though it's damning and impeccably sourced and all those Big Serious Important Things, we're also finding it awfully funny. We love Victor Conte, with his stoner musician roots and sudden eureka moment when he decides, "Hey, you know what? Now I'm going to pretend I'm a doctor!"

Anyway, if you feel like the word "steroids" is fraying your funny bone, take heart: McSweeney's Ben Greenman — also an editor at The New Yorker has weighed in with one of his classic news-event-as-Broadway-musical routines, this time setting the saga of Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, et al, to music. How it starts:

MARK McGWIRE:
I'm skinny.
I'm scrawny.
I'd rather be brawny.
But bulking up is such hard labor.
I won't do It without
An easier route.
Maybe I'll go ask my neighbor.
(McGWIRE trots next door, where he finds his friend, JOSE CANSECO.)

All kinds of goofy silliness, enough to cheer a fellow even in the midst of roid rage. Well, except Bonds. He only laughs while in drag.

Fragments From "Steroids! The Musical" [McSweeney's]