Williams Convicted, Will Do Hard Time Of $300

In what is gleefully only the first of an eventual three sex boat trials — it's like they're structuring the legal system just to make us happy — a Minnesota jury convicted ex-Vikings fantasy football touchdown vulture Moe Williams with one count of disorderly conduct yesterday, sentencing him to ... pay a $300 fine and do 30 hours of community service. (Not that we're complaining, but, uh, they have full jury trials for things you pay $300 fines for? We think we got that much in parking tickets this week in LA. Not that we're paying them, mind you. What, the cops are gonna track us down in our rental car? Come get some, coppers! Yeah, you heard us.)

Williams was acquitted of the misdemeanor charges of lewd and lascivious behavior and indecent conduct charges and blasted prosecutors for going after him simply because he's black, pointing out that the white captain sucked a boob or two on the boat as well, and nobody's charging him 300 bucks.

The trials of fellow Vikings Fred "Double Donger" Smoot and Bryant "Salad Bar" McKinnie have yet to begin, though they are facing the same charges as Williams was. Wait ... shouldn't Smoot be charged with two counts?

Ex-Viking Guilty On One Count, Not Guilty On Two [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]