In truth, Kellia Ramares is dangerously obsessed. The middle-aged woman from Berkeley, Calif. has an unlikely fixation on Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes, in a way that prompted us recently to purchase an extra deadbolt for our back door, for no real tangible reason, just because. But as Ramares herself points out, she has absolutely nothing on Buck Canyon.
Yes, it is now time to meet a man who has somehow decided to devote his life to Blue Jays' outfielder Vernon Wells. Aside from being the proud owner of one of Wells' jocks, which he painted gold, Canyon's big project right now is to try and get Wells onto the All-Star roster. And there is nothing he will not do to get your votes, as you can see in this disturbing video from his website. It's kind of hard to describe, but a reader tries:
The disappointing part is that "Maniac" from Flashdance comes on the PA just as he's getting stopped by security. One can only imagine "it" flopping around in his wet boxer briefs as the sweet sounds of Michael Sembello are pumped through the stadium. Ugh. Good God, man.
We have a damp, gray feeling right now, as if we will never be cheerful again.
(UPDATE: It's worth noting that many, many people think this guy is on the Blue Jays payroll.)