Americans Continue To Lead The World In Mysteriously Tainted Urine

The world's fastest man, Justin Gatlin, has failed a pee-pee test, and, stop me if you've heard this before, claims he didn't do anything wrong. Both his 'A' and 'B' samples came up positive for unusually high amounts of synthetic testosterone.

I cannot account for these results, because I have never knowingly used any banned substance or authorized anyone else to administer such a substance to me. In the course of my entire professional career, I have been tested more than 100 times. All of the tests this season, including the out-of-competition and in-competition tests conducted just before and after the race in Kansas, were negative.

Oh, good, so he has a copy of the "What To Say When You Test Positive" handbook. Surely, there were one or two of those laying around, as his coach, Trevor Graham, was heavily involved with the BALCO investigation. Victor Conte himself wrote to the U.S. Anti-Doping agency, alleging that Graham doped the bejeezus out of his athletes. More details can be found here in this excellent San Francisco Chronicle article.

Anyway, Gatlin faces a lifetime ban from competition, because it's not the first time he's tested positive. They can't ban him from future appearances on Pros vs. Joes, though. So he's got that going for him.


Gatlin nailed for doping []