Today In The Premiership...

Fulham 1-0 Sheffield United. It's Jimmy Bullard's world. You just live here. After scoring the game winner for Fulham against Bolton earlier in the week, Jimmy Bullard singlehandedly carried Fulham to victory over Sheffield United. Bullard also leads the league in pretty hair curls and weirdfuck posters that I couldn't begin to explain to you.

Watford 1-2 Manchester United. The Red Devils continue their hot start, downing Watford today behind a Ryan Giggs game winner in the 52nd minute. United is now 3-0. The good news for Watford, though, is that they can spend their off-days working at McDonalds in those uniforms.

Tottenham 0-2 Everton. Despite Kevin Kilbane's ejection at the 32-minute mark for compiling two yellow cards, Everton hung on to spank Spurs, 2-0. The loss leaves Tottenham with just three points in their first three games, despite opening against Bolton, Sheffield United, and Everton. I'm glad I didn't go with them as my preferred team, especially since...

Manchester City 1-0 Arsenal. CITY! (clap, clap) CITY! (clap, clap). A Joey Barton penalty kick in the 41st minute held up for City against Arsenal, giving them the huge upset victory that makes me damn near giddy. Arsenal doubled City up in both shots and shots on goal, but sometimes, a team like City can win a game on just pure awesomeness.

Elsewhere...

Liverpool 2-1 West Ham
Charlton 2-0 Bolton
Wigan 1-0 Reading