The last time we were able to watch our beloved alma mater play in the New York City metropolitian area, it was the Coaches Vs. Cancer Jimmy V Classic at Madison Square Garden. The Illini lost by 20 to Providence and Ryan Gomes. We thought it couldn't get any worse.
If you are a college football team with Illinois on your schedule, we think it's probably pretty safe to rest your injured that week. After watching their 33-0 loss to Rutgers on Saturday, we can't imagine a team possibly playing worse; the Illini never crossed midfield. And it's bad enough that they didn't cross midfield, but this is a terrible team whose worst player is, in fact, its punter. He's a freshman who seems scared by the process of kicking a football into the air, which is an issue when you are a punter. Eventually, the Illini brought in a backup wide receiver to punt; he kicked a line-drive that so confused the Scarlet Knights that Illinois actually recovered it off the back of an opponent's leg. (They went three and out afterwards, of course.)
It was our first college football game in person in almost nine years. We, uh, are obviously in no hurry to come back. I - L - L !!!!
Wipeout! [Decatur Herald & Review]
(Thanks to everyone for their advice on how to find the stadium on Saturday. Though we wish we hadn't have listened. By the way, why does Rutgers have people dressed up like Revolutionary War soldiers setting off a cannon. We're sure there's an obvious Scarlet Knight-colonial connection, but it wasn't immediately apparent at the time.)
(UPDATE: Oh, so this is it: "Alexander Hamilton fought a delaying battle using cannon at a river crossing in New Brunswick from ground that would become the Rutgers main campus (Rutgers was founded ten years earlier as Queens College in 1766. Hamilton and Henry Rutgers, for whom Queens College was renamed, were both artillery men and graduates of Kings College.. which is Columbia.)" ALL RIGHT THEN.)