In yet another reminder of how the shareholders demand RESULTS, dammit, our mailbox — and, we suspect, many of yours — welcomed us back home with an application for the ESPN Credit Card. We eagerly tore open the package, thinking maybe if we spent above a certain level, they'd let us host "Cold Pizza" or something.

No such luck. The card offers a rather medicore APR and an even more mediocre "rewards program." If you earn 100,000 points, you can win a trip to the ESPYs, and, as the joke goes, if you earn 125,000, you don't have to go to the ESPYs.

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In all seriousness, though — really! — it's a bit of a surprise that they don't throw in an "ESPN: The Magazine" or Insider subscription with the card, considering it's kind of difficult not to end up with one of those. By the way, if you're late on your bill, Stephen A. Smith will call and yell at you. Which might be worth it, actually.

ESPN Credit Card [Washington Mutual]