Terrell Owens is expected to speak at 1:30 p.m. ET in front of his house, though probably not lifting weights. We'll be live-blogging that, because we're "alive" and a "blogger," after the jump.
(Hold off there: It has been postponed until 3:30 ET.) Bill Parcells is speaking at 2:30 ET, however, presumably with a high level of grumpiness.
So, to bring you up to date, before that point:
• The Dallas police said they didn't want the initial report being released at all. But it clearly states that T.O. said "yes" when asked if he was trying to harm himself. They're now not confirming or denying that there was a suicide attempt. But he's out of the hospital at least.
• Owens' publicist is now officially denying it, however, saying she called 9-1-1 because he had a bad reaction to the pain medication, despite the initial report's claim that he took "30 or so" pills. For the record, if he actually didn't try to kill himself, and she called 9-1-1 and told police he had, and this is all just a big mess ... she's the worst goddamned public relations flack we've ever come across and should obviously be fired immediately.
• A rep in Drew Rosenhaus' office is saying it was a bad reaction to pain medication, and those guys would never, ever lie about anything.
• We have to say, Trey Wingo has done a rather outstanding job today on ESPN and ESPNews dealing with all this madness, bringing in all kinds of disparate information live on the air. He was rewarded by being pre-empted so Bob Ley could show up and do his impression of a Serious Reporter. (UPDATE: Wingo's back now.)
• The kids at Kissing Suzy Kolber have all kinds of irresponsible (and, therefore, quite fun) theories.
• Several media folks have pointed out that our Deadspin Hall Of Fame nominee Darren Prince has been offering up his commenting services to the press, saying "I don't think this incident will hurt T.O.'s marketability at all. If anything, it shows his human side. Dennis Rodman attempted suicide in 1994 and he is still a very sought after entity today." Yes, Darren: Rodman is still sought after. Totally.
• Seattlest reminds us that Owens wouldn't be the first high-profile athlete to try to kill himself.
(UPDATE: Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Michael Irvin says he has spoken to Owens, and he "absolutely denies" that he tried to kill himself. And then Irvin said the word "discombobobulated.")
(SECOND UPDATE: Owens is about to speak. Our description of the press conference, after the jump.)
(THIRD UPDATE: As mentioned above, the press conference has been rescheduled for 3:30 ET.)
3:44: Terrell Owens takes the stand — and this is what this is — to thank all who helped, and we're all done now. Hmmm.
3:43: She has also denied telling the police that he was depressed and that she took pills out of his mouth. Basically, she's saying that the police are lying and that they are "taking advantage of him because of who he is." That's really what she said. More on this, later.
3:41: Owens' publicist, who looks awfully haggard, says, "Terrell was not coherent to speak. The reason I called was because he was not in his normal responsive state."
3:39: Boy, what a great time for our wireless to go down.
Anyway, Owens has officially denied that he tried to committ suicide. He said there were pills in drawers and that his publicist thought he had eaten them. He also says he did not get his stomach pumped.
3:30: According to ESPN, Owens actually took part in practice today ... which is incredibly bizarre. We're about to get started now.
3:27: You know, we're not sure this isn't all because of Drew Bledsoe. Just a theory.
3:21: So Owens isn't in his front yard, of course: He's at Valley Ranch, the salad dressing of America's Team. And this is starting in about 10 minutes.
2:39: Owens' press conference is at 3:30 now. Why do we have a feeling we're going to be sitting here at 9 p.m., waiting to hear this goofball talk?
2:33: Bill Parcells is talking. The guy's skin is so orange as to be terrifying. He seems to have no idea what's going on. He says he hasn't talked to Owens and knows about as much as any of us do, which is to say, "not much." We'll wait for Owens, we guess.
2:31: The Cowboys are having a press conference. They're telling us nothing. "This is a medical situation about someone's personal health." Yeah.
1:31: Actual update: The press conference has been postponed until 3:15 ET. So we'll be back then.
1:29: GRIPPING UPDATE: "T.O. has poked his head through a door." That sounds like it might have hurt. Maybe he could use some painkillers.
1:25: We're not sure what Dan Le Batard is doing being interviewed like he has any idea what's going on.
1:23: There's about 30 microphones set up for Owens, including one that is big and fluffy and looks like something that would cover a driver. If Owens knows what's good for him, he'll tell Rosenhaus to stay inside.