Today's Breeders Cup has me in the mood to
punch talk about horses and the magnificent sport of horse racing, so here's something you might not have known: War Emblem, 2002 Kentucky Derby and Preakness champion, is gay.
Okay, you got me. I have no desire to talk about horse racing, and I could not possibly care less about the Breeders Cup. But the Philadelphia Daily News did have a piece Friday on the post-career breeding habits of some horses, and it's not as glamorous as it sounds—especially for the alternative-lifestyle horses.
As it turns out, War Emblem prefers dudes. Mr. Ed reruns are downright pornographic to him. It saddens me that War Emblem couldn't come out of the closet until he was retired, but you know how intolerant those other horses can be. I heard Barbaro, evil son of a bitch that he is, tried to orchestrate a lynching of the last known gay competitive race horse, a thoroughbred named, for some reason, Doogie Howser.
Apparently, horse sexual behavior can mirror human sexual behavior in a number of ways.
"I read a story once by the Italian breeder Tessio who said they had a mare who had come to the breeding shed perfectly shampooed and groomed," [horse trainer Mark Reid] says. "The stallion just looked at her. Tessio then told the handlers to take the [mare] out back and get her dirty. They did and [the stallion] jumped her."
That's what I'm talkin' about.