A confession: We are terrified by the Phillie Phanatic. Everything about him creeps us out: That weird tongue thing he shoots out, the googly eyes that we see in our nightmares, the purple (purple!) eyelashes. He's not a monster, he's not cuddly, he's not a being with any recognizable cousins in the animal kingdom. We suspect he will someday reproduce an army of Phanatic spawns who will commence World War Phi, enslaving our women and children and exterminating us through a series of anal probes.
But that's just us.
Oh, and a particularly skittish dog.
The Phillie Phanatic was attacked Saturday morning by 93.3 WMMR DJ and Sixers' PA announcer Matt Cord's dog Scout. Cord was on air covering the line at the Wachovia Center box office, where tickets for The Police, playing this summer at Citizens Bank Park, went on sale.
The Phanatic came outside of the Wachovia Center to start giving stuff away, when the mutt lunged at the lovable green goofball, prompting a man in line to shout that the dog "must be a Mets fan." The Phanatic retreated inside the Wachovia Center until Cord safely put Scout back in his car.
It is true that, when the apocalypse comes, the first mammals to be alerted will be dogs. (And Peter Gammons. He'll know.) We hope humanity does not dismiss this obvious warning and mobilizes to combat the looming, and green, grave threat.
Phillie Phanatic Not A Phan Oph Dogs [The Fanhouse]