How To Detract Attention From Your Attractive Teenage Daughter

Problem: Nasty bloggers are spreading your 18-year-old pole vaulting daughter's picture across the Internets. (They can send all the letters to Ufford they want, but you can still find the picture here and here and about a million other places.) Solution: Scream your lungs out about it on the front page of The Washington Post.

The wave of attention has steamrolled Stokke and her family in Newport Beach, Calif. She is recognized — and stared at — in coffee shops. She locks her doors and tries not to leave the house alone. Her father, Allan Stokke, comes home from his job as a lawyer and searches the Internet. He reads message boards and tries to pick out potential stalkers. "We're keeping a watchful eye," Allan Stokke said. "We have to be smart and deal with it the best we can. It's not something that you can just make go away."

We sympathize, we suppose, though we assure you, Mr. Stokke: Searching the Internet for what people are saying about your daughter is not a good idea. Meanwhile, Mr. Ufford at With Leather gets trotted out as the blogger whack-a-mole:

"I understand there are certain people who are put off immediately by the tone of my blog," Ufford said. "Every week, there's somebody who takes offense to something, but that's part of being a comedy writer. If nobody is complaining, it probably wasn't funny. You are hoping for some kind of feedback."

We agree: Comedy is indeed hard. Without question, though, giving an huge interview to The Washington Post about how you can't stand everyone talking about your daughter — and including two more attractive pictures — is really the perfect way to get everyone to stop talking about your daughter.

Teen Tests Internet's Lewd Track Record [Washington Post]

Pole Vaulting Is Sexy, Barely Legal [With Leather]

(UPDATE: Upon further reflection, we suppose "screaming your lungs out" is probably a bit of an overstatement.)