We know we got yelled at just this morning for recycling — consider the "Year Ago In Deadspin" feature toast — but it's Home Run Derby, and that means just one thing: It's the day Chris Berman lives for, and the day the rest of us pray for a quick, merciful death. (Last year, we actually watched six Berman Derbys in a row on ESPN Classic. We're just now recovering.)
We have never inherently been big fans of the Derby; it's like whippets to us, dumb spectacle we enjoy only because millions of brain cells are being destroyed at once. Because of that whole MLB-ESPN fight, there almost wasn't a Home Run Derby this year. Shame. Pity.
But look! The ball is in the air ... and now it's in the water! Oooooooooooooooo.