Your Baby Will Cough And You Will Like It

We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted earlier this week was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo. This is the last one. Right now: Smoky day care!

Question: My child attends Whiz Kids Daycare, which is right next to where the new generator building is going. I know our generator building now can be loud and give off smoke. Will this new building have any negative affect on the daycare?

Answer: The construction of the second generator facility and all of its operating features, including the generators themselves, comply fully with Connecticut Department of Environmental Protection and the US EPA's regulations governing emissions and public safety.

In other words ... get your kid a gas mask, cross your fingers and, seriously, if you were a good parent, you'd stay at home with the child anyway.

(We've officially milked this thing until it was spitting blood. We'll stop now.)

ESPN's Secret Interoffice Complaint Memorandum [Deadspin]