Amateur athletics and gambling go together like Will and black fabric. Which is why I asked the Paul to my Mary, Unsilent Majority, to share more of his college football gambling wisdom with us here today. Obvious disclaimer: this shit could be wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. But hey, good luck! Take it away, Maj.
After the unprecedented success of my debut parlay I've watched my two latest efforts fail in painful fashion. Two weeks in a row my bet has gone down in flames thanks to one team that couldn't hold up their end of the bargain. This week we're trying something a little bit different. Seeing as how my bets seem fated to fall one game short no matter who I pick I figured it would be a good idea to try out some good old fashioned individual bets. Here are five games that have caught my eye for whatever reason (funniest mascots). I've placed a tidy $20 bet on each of the following games (for a total risk of $100 to win about $90). I didn't mean to be such a cheap bastard but I accidentally spent almost all of the money in my account on tomorrow's NFL action.
West Virginia -24.5 vs. East Carolina
East Carolina? What a time to be alive! Meanwhile... Slaton, White, Devine, blah blah blah. Morgantown welcomes you to Cover City.
Penn State -3 at Michigan
The Nittany Lions may represent everything I hate about college football (geriatric coach, overrated conference, boring helmets, people from Pennsylvania) but they're the
class only team in the Big X that doesn't totally suck (welcome to the club Iowans, make yourselves comfortable, the Wisconsinites will be joining you eventually). Oh yeah, Michigan isn't "Notre Dame" bad but they're still really crappy.
LSU -18 vs. South Carolina
I never like betting against the OBC (yeah yeah, click clack) — especially when his team is a feisty dog — but I'm just going to go ahead and bet on those freaks in yellow and purple as long as they keep looking like they could hang with Skeets' Bills.
Alabama -3.5 vs. Georgia
I told you fuckers that Saban would cover and he went ahead and won outright to boot. He might be the most entitled asshole since the heyday of Pauly Shore, but like Shore in Bio-Dome, he can bring the ruckus. Really, I'm an expert.
Florida -23.5 vs. Mississippi
Unless the world-class
alchemists scientists at Ole Miss have created some Michael Oher clones to play on the defensive line, methinks they be fucked. Just sit back and take in the overt sexiness of Tim Tebow and Percy Harvin while counting your money like a Seminole recruit. (Kidding! Everybody knows that Seminoles can't count.)
That's a whole lot of points I'm laying on the board, so go big or go the fuck home. Go favorites!