I'm told Notre Dame scored an offensive touchdown and is leading. I'm still waiting to be raptured, so I'll give it another hour or so. — Signal to Noise

I heard a rumor that Michigan locked all bathroom facilities in the locker rooms during the game. I hope JoePa got some of those extra diapers from the pyscho astronaut. — Quack

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After the game I saw a UofL defender try to wrap his arms around a cheerleader, but he missed and she ran 47 yards for a touchdown. — Ron

Bob Griese just said that Ryan Mallett falling down last week on a pass from Manningham was what 'loosened him up' last week. Look for this play tomorrow from the Falcons. — prestonseider

If an ass-kicking is televised only on the Big Ten Network, does it make a sound? And how can we get the rest of the Wildcats' season off the telly? — mikewas999

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"Jimmy Clausen leads his first touchdown drive." Let's see: incomplete pass, handoff, handoff ... something to be proud of. — orion5417

Ok... so the booze isn't helping the whole being a Northwestern fan thing. Anyone got a gun? — mwpuckhead

OK, I confess I only made that joke about Miss South Carolina's family line so you could post another picture of her. — Kyle, Maine

Watching Indiana kick a PAT ... is their stadium located in some kind of quarry? — Lady Andrea

ABC just showed Joe Pa on the sidelines and he had this look that just screams, "Would someone please empty my colostomy bag." — eDayStat

"The Ville" and "The Cuse" both seem like nicknames a particularly douche-y bro would come up with. "Dude, I'm all about the Cuse." Fuck you, fictional asshat. — cpdr3w

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Reason #941 I'm dating my lass: when discussing what we should do on our double date tonight she says "I don't care as long as we can watch the Wisconsin game." My thoughts exactly. — goathair

At first i thought these new ABC intros were just weird ... then i realized: Holy crap! Brad Nessler just teleported into the Big House. — procras247

Does anyone have the ESPN/ABC secret decoder ring that tells me what region's game is aired on what channel? They should realize that those of us that started drinking at 8am have a hard time following this crap as it is. — Jeff, Colorado

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I'm considering watching Miss Congeniality instead of terrible football games right now. I'm also, or so I'm told by my friends, starting a record label called So So Gay Records. Such is life, I suppose. — businessorleisure

I can't help but wonder if the Notre Dame student section is giving a subtle message by waving white flags around. — Jason, OC, CA

After referring to it as the biggest upset in Big East history about 47 times, as the clock ticked down on the 'Cuse upset of Louisville, John Congemi just said that it "may have surpassed" the App State upset of Michigan. I know Syracuse might deserve to be I-AA, but come on! — Matt, Arlington VA

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I felt compelled to send this over. While at the gym yesterday, I saw an interview with a dude named Hugh Johnson. He was talking about investment methodology, but still made more sense than whoever the fuck is the color guy for this BC-Army game. — cpwilson80

I'm sitting here watching the Michigan game with my hypothetical beer and imaginary wings. God this holiday blows. Go Jews. — bubbacj24

Ball St. is the balls. — lidleflightclass

(And with that, we officially end today's Hugh Johnson Project. Well played, everyone. I raise my Five Alive fruit juice in your general direction.)

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