High-Percentage Field Goals Are For Losers

• Heauxly Crap. About a minute after Matt Flynn's last-second touchdown pass put the Tigers ahead of the ... Tigers, I had discovered that my eyebrows were still raised in amazement. LSU opted not to kick a field goal (or at least thought they'd still have time to boot one) and heaved one at the end zone, which was miraculously caught by Demetrius Byrd — the only athlete named Byrd that will have a pleasant time talking about himself today. As the scoreboard changed to "LSU 30, Auburn 24", nearby on that same board was "Time: 00:00.1" Were the ball, say, tipped by the cornerback in the end zone, perhaps that extra second falls off the clock, and Les Miles is given the warmth and love from fans and boosters rivaled only by Lloyd Carr in September.

(Also, this is the 40th jillionth time this year we've been told "Okay, forget about the game last week. THIS is the best game of the year." The law of averages tell us that one of these weeks, all the games will suck.)

• ♬ Winning Would Be Easy If Their Colors Were Like My Dream ♬ Red Gold and Green, Red Gold and Greeee-eeee-en ♬. A 38-0 loss to USC. All right, at this point, I genuinely feel sorry for Notre Dame, as well as somewhat responsible. Yes, we wanted them to underperform. Who didn't? But did you really want them to fall to 1-7? This is like hoping someone would kick the school bully's ass, then learning that he was beaten up by a gang member with a lead pipe, and consequently has to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair and can only speak in semi-relevant onomatopoeia.

Please, Notre Dame, help clear my conscience by winning out. Beat Navy, and such.

• California Reamin'. Despite a loss, the California Bears were still playing like the No. 2 team in the nation, which means they were bested by an unranked opponent. In this case, UCLA — a team who lost to effin Utah by 30 points at home — won 30-21.

• There Are No Good Puns That Use The Word "Tebow". The only reason I tell you now about Florida escaping Kentucky with a 45-37 win, is because Dan Shanoff's column doesn't run until Monday.

• In Michigan, Just About Everyone Wears Carr-Hart. With Michael Hart not dressing for the game, Lloyd Carr had to go to his section of the playbook that didn't include him, which was "every play in this three-inch area that includes the Chiclets but not the erasers." And they still won 27-17. So I guess we have to actually go around saying that Michigan is a good team now, despite some bad losses, and a favorite to play in the Rose Bowl but not in the national title game? Well, in a year where everything else is upside-down, at least this is the same.

• And Because I Can. Bowling Green was a 5-point underdog, but still went to Kent State and won 31-20. Freshman tailback Willie Geter: 206 rushing yards. Know him. Respect him. Rub his head for good luck.