He Seems To Have Thought Of Everything: How In The World Did This Not Work?

So this guy robs a bank, and during his getaway he stops at a salon about a block away for hair extensions and a manicure (by now you've guessed that this occurred in Florida). But that's not the best part. The loot he stole was booby trapped, and during his escape it exploded, covering him in red dye. So to explain this, he told the salon worker that he was an NFL player, and was in town painting his boat. And for what NFL team did the crook say he played? Can there be any doubt?

Winick said Shelton calmly walked in the salon, flashed his stained hands, said he needed help. And that he wanted to look like Johnny Depp. Shelton immediately threw down a $50 tip, she said. "He was telling me that he was a football player for the Arizona Cardinals and he's here painting boats," Winick said. "I thought, isn't it football season now? Some people just make up stuff, so I don't judge."

The guy was in the middle of his manicure when he was arrested by police ... 22 minutes after leaving the bank. WRITER'S EMBELLISHMENT: And as it turns out, half of the man's story was actually true. His real name? Neil Rackers.

First A Bank Robbery, Then A Manicure? [Herald-Tribune, via Fark]