Deadspin
We had no sooner told you about the past rock stylings of Curt Schilling when he decided to unleash an epic rant about the Mitchell Report.
Actually, we're not sure something so unfocused can be classified as a "rant." Our favorite thing about Schilling's blog is that he often seems to forget the point of a sentence by the time he gets to the end of it. As for the names on the list, and Lord knows there's no shortage of those, I have feelings very strongly in some cases due to personal history, and opinions in many others. I've played, roomed and lived with some of these guys, and competed and gotten to know others. Wait ... what does that mean?
This stylistic "quirk" doesn't work well when discussing an issue as complicated as the Mitchell Report, which somehow just makes it more perfect. The "news" out of Schilling's post is that he called for Roger Clemens to give back his Cy Young awards. When you read the whole post, we guess he said that, but this was just a few words after saying, "my thought is that Roger will find a way in short order to organize a legal team to guarantee a retraction of the allegations made." Trying to strip a usable quote out of a Schilling blog post is a fool's errand.
That didn't make the post any less enjoyable than all of Schilling's posts. If your eyes are still in your head when you reach the end.
One Player's Take On The Mitchell Report [38 Pitches]
Comments
Merry Christmas from the March of Dimes!
Christmas of the Damned?
Is that the Aryan Union's Christmas card?
Maybe his Children of the Damned made him change his mind mid-essay with their telekinetic powers.
All those kids look like their dad. Ugly.
The Aryan race shall blog on!
I didn't think Joan Rivers celebrated christmas, especially not with Curt Schilling.
@Carlton_Whitfield: It sure as hell ain't the Hanukkah card.
I guess they have to wait for the tennis shoes to arrive before drinking the Jones juice.
Can't they afford socks for the kids, or are they all bloody and in the wash?
Those kids are doomed to a life of dorkiness. Rich dorkiness, but dorkiness nonetheless.
You think Schilling is disgusted by his children? Notice how his hands manage to hover an inch or so away from his son's body when the photographer most likely was looking for a sincere hug, or at least just a grasp.
Or,
"I'm dreeeaming of a whiiiiite turtleneck"
They should be wearing white pants for added effect.
I'll be right back; I have to update Urban Dictionary's definition of "prick" to add "takes Christmas card picture with World Series trophy in background".
That kid in the back is destroying my soul with his evil stare.
I like how the world series trophies are in the back there, a obvious, subtle reminder that he will rock you like a hurricane.
Minor, male minor, yes, adopted, junior douche, senior douche
Fuck, was I ever wrong.
-Hitler
Wishing you a +100 Happy and +100 Healthy New Year
@Shtickless: He's probably most ashamed of his daughter, since she couldn't be bothered to put shoes on for the family Xmas photo.
@FThat: And standing in a snowstorm. Next to a snowman. And Powder, their wacky effeminate neighbor.
Why is there a picture of the Osmonds with a post about Schilling?
the boy in mom's lap just shat himself
I bet they more more than a pretty schilling for that picture.. hey-oh... I got a million o' these.
Someone please get this douchebag a muzzle already.
@roland_t_flakfizer: * paid. idiot.
The only thing this picture tells me is that Schilling has rocked his wife like a hurricaine no less than 4 times.
The whitest kids I know.
That family is so white that the Osmonds are Sly and the Family Stone by comparison.
Too bad Will didn't include the full picture. The bloody sock looks pretty cool on top of the tree.
Is that Dirk's kid in the back?
Somebody call Maury.
Honky if you love Christmas.
thawts on the mitshul report
i haz them
I suddenly have a craving for saltines....
The trophy is nice, but no WS rings?
I knew he picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.
No, no, MILF, no, no, no.
Schilling buys PPV porn. I have proof.
Guess who went shopping at The Gap right before this photo was taken?
The eldest son in the background is destined for a confused, torturous adolescence. Hey kid, there's always drugs.
Not in photo: Alexei Yashin
They can only wear sweatpants one day a week and on Fridays they wear pink.
As a Sox fan, it's so friggin hard to root for that guy.
@benzani: Imagine how his wife feels.
@roland_t_flakfizer: I thought those were some kind of crazy menorah.
i appreciate schilling's efforts to write his blog in such a faulkner-esque style, but it's just not working for him.
Not in photo: Family Doctor, Dr. Mengele.
@Stay Away From Oprah: Mom should stop bogarting the Xanax.
@PeteJayhawk: He only did it twice to recover from a bad case of blue balls.
This was my least favorite scene in Village of the Damned.
@Stay Away From Oprah: And then he'll write a bittersweet, Augusten Burroughs-type memoir about his wacky upbringing.
Actually the picture makes alot more sense if you look at it with "Christmas Shoes" playing in the background...
... not that I listen to that song.
Your honor, I would like to offer Exhibit 38 as evidence that professional athletes pull way hotter tail than they ever should.
Your honor, I would also like to offer Exhibit 39, which is a post of Mr. Curt Schilling from his blog 38Pitches.com. It shows that Mr. Schilling is neither intelligent nor humorous enough to offset the discrepancy between Mr. Schilling and his lovely wife.
The plaintiff, 10-Point Dating Scale, Inc., rests its case.
@katni: Unsalted ones, though; the salted ones hurt my tummy. Too spicy.