Salvaging The Massacre In Mobile

Poor Illinois. Poor Hawaii. You folks think you can fathom utter and total humiliation in a January bowl game? Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your alma mater's football team, you'll know what to do!

Nobody has ever — EVER — lost a bowl game by more than 55 points until Bowling Green laid the most sulfurous of eggs in the GMAC Bowl last night, losing 63-7 to Tulsa. This may shock you, so I hope you're sitting down. T'aint fun to watch when it's your team getting dicktwisted for four quarters.

It didn't help matters that the Tulsa quarterback was going for some kind of passing record (most ulcers created in the state of Ohio). Once he had that record, he was still in there throwing touchdowns. I was half ready for TU to try an onside kick.

As tough as it was to watch — this post was mainly to let you guys know I didn't carve "SUSS WAS HERE" into my ceiling — I have, and always will, love the concept of running up the score, because it makes Xbox games exponentially fun. My third grade baseball coach used to say, "It's not my job to make the other team look good." This of course was a level in athletics when batting lineups could go well beyond nine to accommodate even the slow, fat kids. (I routinely batted thirteenth.)

From what I could tell, the starting defense remained on the field, so the onus was on them to stop Tulsa's offense by any means necessary. Unfortunately, the plan to tire Tulsa's offense out by letting them celebrate incessantly in the end zone backfired.

I'm sure I'll get over it at some point. Until then, could I please have everyone look directly into this light...

Golden Hurricane Dominates Falcons in GMAC Bowl [Toledo Blade]