An Illustrated History Of Roger Clemens' Boorishness

Those Congressional hearings are going on today, but we have a sneaking suspicion that none of you care about them — frankly, we don't either — so we're gonna focus on the type of discourse we enjoy considerably more: Pure, unadulterated hatred of Roger Clemens.

Esquire has the definitive timeline of Roger Clemens' ridiculous public statements. Prepare to get your bile up. A good example:

1990 "If someone met me on a game day, he wouldn't like me. The days in between, I'm the goodest guy you can find," states Clemens. He proves the first part true when he takes the mound in Game 4 of the American League Championship Series against Oakland and lasts two innings before being ejected for threatening umpire Terry Cooney ("I'm gonna find out where you live and come get you this winter"). This is actually quite mild compared to what he said to Oakland pitcher and recovering alcoholic Bob Welch: "Have another beer. Be a man. Stop drinking milk." Ah, Roger at his goodest.

Honestly, not since Simmons' epic Clemens Is The AntiChrist column — which ran in freaking 2001, if you don't feel old enough yet — has anything gone into so much detail proving what we already knew: Roger Clemens is a douche of historic proportions.

The Wonderful, Despicable Life Of Roger Clemens [Esquire]