Deadspin
I'm not sure what the monster is supposed to be in Cloverfield, but it can't be any more horrifying than this. From the pages of Sports Illustrated, via Larry Brown Sports, comes Tales of Nude Rick Majerus. Apparently the Saint Louis coach loves being naked, and it's not the good naked, as Seinfeld would say. Here's the excerpt that will chill you to the bone, from when Majerus was with Utah:
Majerus kept telling [former Utah player Michael] Doleac that he needed to keep six inches between himself and his opponent in the post. When Doleac was caught shortly after leaning on his man, the coach erupted. "'Jesus f###in Christ, Doleac! When a guy catches the ball in the post, you gap him six inches!'" Doleac recalls Majerus yelling. "Then he turns to the guys sitting on the baseline and says, 'Six f###in inches,' and he says, 'the size of the average white dick!' and pulls it out."
With the possible exception of the hotel wrestling scene in Borat, that is the very last thing on Earth I'd ever want to see. But I guarantee you that I'll be gapping my man six inches from now on. I'd suggest you do the same.
(The Nightmare Fuel tag drops dead, is carted off the court on a stretcher).
Rick Majerus Loves Being Naked [Larry Brown Sports]
Comments
compulsory for these occasions:
[www.youtube.com]
If he's Irish, only three.
And taking over Bobby Knight's 1st place position as "having the most inappropriate coaching techniques".....
Tom Brady's dick scoffs at your law of averages.
I was in the pool. I was in the pool!!!
i bet they remembered...
Who doesn't measure with his penis?
wait, what?
I'm shocked that he can reach around his gunt for it.
Oh, and blech.
Pat Summitt's coaching technique is more effective, and hotter.
The irony of it all is that Rick Majerus hasn't seen his own cock in 25 years.
He doesn't seem like a half a grapefruit and black coffee kind of guy.
Maybe he was was talking about the length of his taint?
Apparently "Majerus" is Lithuanian for "Marlon Brando".
He just needed somebody to tell him if it was still there. After all, the man hasn't seen it in about 30 years.
six inches flaccid? or does he warm up before practice?
how do you pronounce "Jesus fgayin Christ?"
@Weed Against Speed: You're the wiener.
I figured he would have used a subway hogie reference instead.
Im a star, Im a star, Im a star
That picture is missing one fat guy hat.
Now that he's at a Catholic school, Majerus may get more than he bargained for if he tries that technique again.
I wonder if today Michael Doleac perspires and shakes uncontrollably when he enters urinals. I don't think you come back from something like that.
Oh and dick joke
He took it out?
/Seinfeld reference
you gap him six inches! ... the size of the average white dick!'
I thought Philip Rivers was at least six feet tall.
Threadjack
Herschel Walker claims multiple personalities.
[sportsillustrated.cnn.com]
/end
I like your techniques coach, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
-John Amaechi
@'Suss--: Carefully?
What is the big deal here? That's how my Uncle taught me to drive.
Pat Summitt's coaching technique is more effective, and hotter.
I assume this is when she's teaching how to box out?
@Little Lebowski Urban Achiever: is it an alien?
When he wants his players to visualize the basket as bigger than it actually is, he drops trou, bends over and spreads his ass cheeks.
/vomits
Milton Berle is not impressed
/and he's dead
Last person to complete suicide drills gets a high seed!
"It's called an assist!"
And then he brought out the curved stick he uses to wipe his own ass.
Rick Majerus can't wait for someone to ask him what time it is.
@Little Lebowski Urban Achiever:
That explains the Viking/Cowboy trade all those years ago. The Vikings thought they were getting back 4 players. They didn't realize they were all Herschel.
@Little Lebowski Urban Achiever: No, you're confusing Hershel Walker and Britanny Spears. Don't feel bad, I do it all the time too.
And we ignore the part where he routinely answered his door wearing an open robe?
@Little Lebowski Urban Achiever: So the Vikings traded for the wrong personality, eh? This explains a lot. And what kind of weirdos have multiple personali...WORSHIP BAAL, YOU HEATHENS! SACRIFICE GOATS TO HIM!...err, I mean, I hope the book has tips on treatment of such problems.
is Majerus trying to prop up his double chin in that photo?
@Little Lebowski Urban Achiever: Explains why the Vikings traded so much to get him.
Thus explains why Johnny Holmes had to give up a promising basketball career. His defense was weak. He couldn't guard close in the man to man.
No wonder Joselio sucks at pickup basketball.
@UkraineNotWeak: Oops.
Someone should take note, I think Herschel has a book coming out soon, too.
George Bluth Sr., used to bring naked Rick Majerus to Thanksgiving dinner.
"And that ... is why you always finish your green beans."
Daddy? Where is Uncle Balls? What...? He won't be coming back this week?
[sobbing]
Should have been you, Mangino.
Wait.
I'm alternating between uncontrollable laughter and vomiting. I don't want to do either because then I'd have to explain to my co-workers that I'm laughing about a nude Rick Majerus.
@Camp Tiger Claw: Stacey Dales is more effective.
Hard to believe he is still single
According to this logic the Denver Nuggets of the mid-90's must have had the biggest dicks in NBA history.