God Save The Fan FAQS

As you might have remembered, our book, God Save The Fan, is being released today. You can find it at bookstores everywhere. We've been asked a lot of questions about the book, so we thought that today, on its release date, we would do our best to answer them the best we know how. Hence, Frequently Asked Questions. The acronym is "FAQ." We just came up with that acronym; we hope you like it.

Anyway, you asked, we answered.

First off, this isn't one of those books that's just a cash-grab collection of previously published material, is it? You didn't just slap together a bunch of old Deadspin posts and call it a book, did you? Because you suck if you did that.

Nope. It's all brand new material. We did go through the trouble of writing the damned thing, so that's probably worth making clear from the outset. The only piece in the book that appeared on Deadspin was the John Rocker interview, and that's expanded with those footnotes that are all the rage these days. Oh, and there's no such thing as a cash-grab book unless you are George Tenet or Slash; nobody buys books anymore, don't ya know?

So, it's a book. Does that mean it's like one really, REALLY long Deadspin post?

Lord, no, thank heavens. The book is broken up into four sections: PLAYERS, OWNERS, MEDIA and FANS. Each contains 10-20 hopefully amusing essays about the world of sports and ends with a glossary.

A glossary? That's lame.

Thanks. It's just pithy, obnoxious little bon mots about various figures in the world of sports.

Can you give us an example? Because it still sounds lame.

Sure! How's this?

Hardaway, Tim. Retired NBA guard most famous during his playing days for the crossover dribble, and for his post-NBA career for gleefully proclaiming that he "hates gay people" on national radio. Indicative of a larger anti-gay bias in the NBA than most players will admit, earns notice for his intense honesty on the subject, perhaps belying a moment in his past in which a group of gay men came to his door, knocked, entered and then took turns anally raping him until he became One Of Them. Heroically, resisted.

Is this book just Deadspin For Dummies?

Wait, Deadspin isn't for dummies already? Actually, no, we don't think so, though you'll have to make that judgment. We kind of consider it a Life As A Loser for sports. Put it this way: It bears more of a stylistic resemblance to Fair And Foul than to fart jokes. Though it has plenty of those too.

I'm really annoyed that there are so many other people writing for Deadspin now. You at least wrote the whole book, yes?

All but one chapter: We handed the mic for A.J. Daulerio for a few pages to tell the inside story of this Super Bowl XLI experience. And yes, the mustache is pictured. We tried to get HarperCollins to give away actual hair from the body of A.J. Daulerio with the purchase of each book, but there were legal issues. Also, the swarthy Jim Cooke designed the cover and did the illustrations inside.

Page Six said the book is "about the sleazy antics of ESPN stars. Is this whole book just an anti-ESPN screed?

No, actually; the sections Page Six references take up about three pages of a 304 page book. That time we watched 24 hours of ESPN is in there, though. The Financial Times said it "almost as tedious as the experience itself must have been." So that was nice.

Is this at bookstores everywhere, or is like the Life As A Loser book, which we couldn't find anywhere?

It's at bookstores everywhere, starting today. You can buy it now, or wait until the tour comes to your town.

Is there a place I can search inside the book?

There is. We don't quite understand how it works. But there it is.

I am a professional media reporter. I would like to "interview" you about the book, and by "interview," I mean, "call you an asshole." How can I do this?

Right here.

I'd like to find where you live, take this book, and shove it up your rectal cavity. How might I go about doing this?

First you need to get to New York City; take a left in Storrs, Conn., then go south for a while. Look for the large buildings all bunched together. When you see those, you're getting close. You will need to find some sort of vessel to transport you over the water that surrounds the "Manhattan Island" portion of the city. Our suggestion is a tunnel, or perhaps a bridge. Then just listen for the screaming.