Anaheim Will Steal Your Lunch Money

Come to think of it, the NHL is, and not just because everybody's ready to fall asleep by third period and the whole thing ends with a whimper in late June. That Tampa Bay is "the prom queen who got pregnant and now she's not the same as she used to be," and Nashville is"that kid with the dad in the military. He's cool, but you don't want to be best friends with him because you know he'll be moving soon" is pretty much brilliant.

Buffalo as "the kid who never can afford to go anywhere or do anything" is just wrong...though frighteningly accurate. The possibilities here are pretty much endless. Rangers coach Tom Renney as the befuddled physics teacher who always leaves the test answer key on his desk? Ducks coach Randy Carlyle as the cool history teacher who talks about his favorite bar fights while getting loaded under the bleachers with the class clowns? Sean Avery as the senior class asshole who somehow manages to score premium tail? Bettman as Belding? [ Hockey Drunk]