Deadspin
David Hirshey writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin.
While the rest of the world was mourning Heath Ledger, the people in my shallow universe (almost all six of them) were offering their condolences for that other great loss yesterday. I speak, of course, of the 5-1 drubbing Arsenal's U-11 team took at the feet of their perennial butt boys, Spurs. Friends from all over the world (in other words London and Israel) wrote to commiserate about Arsenal being knocked out of the Carling Cup. How important is the Carling Cup, you ask? Let's get real for a second. It's not exactly the Nextel Cup or even the Stanley Cup. As far as I'm concerned, it's right above the Sippy Cup, which is probably why Arsene Wenger fielded his Diaper Dandys with a few senior players to babysit them.
After all, the Carling Cup is, at best, a fourth priority for Arsenal, behind the Prem, the FA Cup and the European Cup, none of which Spurs have to worry about. But let's give Spurs their due. They completely outplayed us and showed their true class by throwing crap at Fabregas (who certainly played like it!) and chanting "Arsene Wenger is a Pedophile".
Which brings me to the boys at Unprofessional Foul, who have shown their astonishing photoshop skills by making the debonair pedophile himself look like a certain mustachioed Jewish soccer pundit. No doubt, they had Shep Messing in mind. To them and to the rest of you Schadenfreudeans, enjoy your first meaningless victory in nine years.
Comments
I don't know who any of those people are.
How did the Spurs score their 5 points? A Tim Duncan putback and a Ginobili three or was it a Tony Parker layup with a free throw and a Duncan 10 footer off the glass?
The Dugout followed by soccer? When's Dane Cook come on?
wait a minute...Heath Ledger was a pedophile too?
Just for fun, the next post should be Football Guys again, with soccer jokes.
I understood that bit about Heath Ledger.
@Crookednose: We'd rather put up with a Shanoff/Weintraub double feature.
That guy really looks a head of his game.
Shep Messing was a Long Island guy who magically ran about 5 businesses into bankruptcy. He was, however, a handsome fellow.
[lame espn news commercial with talking butt]
pffft.
Come on!
The spurs?!
[\lame espn news commercial ass]
It just gets worse for Hirshey today, seeing that Chelsea is winning late and about to go through to the final.
This momentous victory over a Gunners side with only 4 regulars surely will cushion the blow of being 15 points out of the last Champions League spot.
Pearls before swine, Hirshey, pearls before swine.
DHitC is one of the most consistent features on here.
@crazyjoedavola: Odds on him replacing Isiah in the Knicks front office?
This defeat is as meaningless as Liverpool's 6-3 defeat to Arsenal at Anfield last year in the Carling Cup.
Also, it was meaningless when Wenger started first teamers: Gallas, Sagna, Hleb; regular subs Bendter; Walcott; and then brought on first teamers Fabregas, Adebayor and Eduardo.
Yup...meaningless.
Odds that Bill Simmons still cares about Tottenham, the club he started "following": 1000:1
I sure am enjoying this meaningless victory. This is one of the best days in my 25+ years of supporting Spurs. I'm sure all those bandwagon Arsenal fans are trembling in their shoes.
Tottenham beating Arsenal in the Carling Cup.
Sort of like the Mets beating the Yankees for the Mayor's Trophy in 1978.
You know Arsenal are fielding their B team when there are TWO english players in their starting 11.
Roger Ebert looks awfully perturbed in that photo.
Q: What do Tottenham fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
This kind of makes me feel better...boy did we just our asses kicked!
@UkraineNotWeak: apropos.
@stealofthedraft: I don't know of many arsenal fans who are quaking. Annoyed, but not quaking.
"How important is the Carling Cup, you ask?"
Important enough to headbutt a teammate during a match?
All you non-soccer lovers can fuck off, and wait for the next post. We don't complain when there's a post about hockey or something.
In the meantime, for all you futbol fans, visit Unprofessional Foul! It's staffed by wonderful people who are amazing.
/completely, 100% impartial blog plug
@UkraineNotWeak: Hey we earned that one. John Stearns and Lee Maz owned that game.
@crazyjoedavola:
Steve Henderson was the bomb that day.
@LingeringBursitis: What about us who don't give a rats ass about hockey OR soccer?
@LingeringBursitis:
I complain about hockey posts and something posts, so I find all of your points invalid. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
One positive out of this is that I don't have to punch the walls in frustration when AW refuses to put the first team out for the CC final like he did last year. Somehow, Chelsea will field their first team AND manage to compete in FA, Prem and CL... like they did last year.
@The Fan's Attic:
The only reason that Gallas and Sagna were starting was because of injuries to Djourou and Senderos. That is what frustrates me. He refuses to start his best players and then subs them when it is too late. Kind of like the way Rafa has used Torres, Babel and Crouch every week... ;-)
"...behind the Prem, the FA Cup and the European Cup, none of which Spurs have to worry about."
The way Man U's been playing lately, I don't think Arsenal needs to worry too much about any of those either.
@LingeringBursitis:
I just bookmarked it... thanks for the tip.
I was hoping the Bitters might beat Chelsea today so they could have their hearts broken in the Final.
@HazelMaesLandingStrip:
Leave LingeringBursitis alone! You are lucky he even commented for you!
So, Andy Garcia is still with the Totties, then?
@racistmascot_inc: eh, I tried.
@HazelMaesLandingStrip: I dunno, the New York Times?
@POPULARCOPY: you're the worst of all.
@hockalees: Why are you frustrated about a meaningless game? Also, why wouldn't, if the game is meaningless, Arsene start other reserves? He called up some other no-names.
I blame Liverpool and Tom Hicks for Arsenal's loss.
@spectatorr: bastard! Also, plagiarizer!
@being_sven: What a waste of council tax, we paid for their hats.
IF YOU HATE TOTTENHAM, STAND UP!!
@Berto: The Sequel: definitely standing.
@hockalees: Maybe this will make you feel better:
[www.youtube.com]
You're welcome.
@Berto: The Sequel: I just bumped my head.
Isn't this a great country we live in? I just heard on the local news that an 87-year old woman's power scooter was stolen.
@Moonshine Mike: They've got Kolo Toure, doot doot doo!
Just like the Arsenal "babies", you are whining...
"Que sera, sera..."
So we have to tolerate a NBA thread every day, but the second there's a futbol thread people start to bitch and moan?
Gallas is no baby. Neither's Adebayor either, but man does he cry like one before he hits Bendtner in the face.
Shouldn't you people be posting on the Stephen A Smith blog instead of dissing the most popular sport in the world?
As an Arse supporter, can we quit it w/ the kids/babies stuff? This was the reserve team w/ some 1st teamers sprinkled in. Arsene chooses to buy younger players who aren't good enough yet, which is why they're in the reserves.
@Full of Kaka: I like your screenname. Although, I disagree with you, Wenger buys younger players because he is a pedophile.
@Full of Kaka: Or in the case of Fabregas and Merida, contract technicalities and steal them from Barcelona.