Deadspin
Rarely do commenters on other sites even come close to the wit and wisdom of our own Deadspin Army of Darkness (sorry if that sounds like sucking up, but independent studies have proven this to be true). Occasionally, though, one catches my eye with a tape measure home run. Such was the case yesterday over at The Sporting News, when commenter Guliani For President (Ha! Please take note, Midwestcoastbias!) chimed in on the latest Tom-Brady-Is-He-Or-Isn't-He-Wearing-A-Protective-Boot story.
"Brady should have fun with this... every time he goes out in public he should put a cast on.. and just keep switching from one foot..to another... put a fake cast on his arm.. put a neck brace on when driving to practice.. just to give these so-called reporters something to yap about." — Giuliani For President on Thu Jan 24, 2008 02:08 pm
It would be the best Super Bowl Week story ever — and would exhibit a sense of humor that Bill Belichick simply doesn't possess — for Brady to show up in Glendale in a fake full body cast. OK reporters, guess the injury! It could be anything! And for extra amusement, the middle finger on one hand could be plastered in the upright position. But I like GFP's suggestion as well: Have Brady switch the protective boot from one foot to another on any given day. If nothing else the whole thing would make Tom Coughlin's head explode.
Oh, and as for the original story itself, it's just the usual Belichick I'm-not-talking BS. Don't bother.
Other ways to liven up Super Bowl Week:
• Randy Moss kidnapped, buried alive, busts out of grave using techniques learned from Chinese martial arts master.
• A tiger is loose in the stadium! And Lawrence Tynes has the only gun!
• Michael Strahan kissing booth.
• Al Davis demonstrates the firepower of this fully armed an operational battle station.
• Naked Rick Majerus.
Belichick Refuses To Talk About Brady Injury [The Sporting News]
Comments
• A game
Eli Manning is found dead, naked and surrounded by sleeping pills.
Pre-game squash match between Eli and Brady.
- Dana Jacobsen bar review
• Al Davis demonstrates the firepower of this fully armed an operational battle station.
Hmm, now that you mention it, Al Davis did look like Grand Moff Tarkin, and today looks like what the Emperor would have if he had a penchant for pairing shiny track suits with Force Lightning.
Looking at this reminds me of this get line
"Now let me start by saying...Good for you son!
It's always good to see young people taking an interest in danger. Now a lot of people are going to be telling you you're crazy, and maybe they're right. But the fact of the matter is:
Bones heal. Chicks dig scars. And the United States of America
has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world!"
Get Peyton to give a priceless pep talk to the Giants.
Matt Cassel faces off against the Deal or No Deal briefcase girls for the coveted title of "easiest job ever."
I, for one, am not going any where near Osi's booth.
Up With People
this post is dangerously close to BDD's Jambaroo injury report so in that vain...
Mike Vrabel (knuckle dragging)
Tom Brady (split ends)
The SAS Political Punditry Booth, sponsored by Curt Schilling.
So we're all a bunch of primitive screwheads, eh? That's what I figured.
Finding an outfit to match the color of Tom Coughlin's face.
Someone steals all of Robert Kraft's pink ties.
Alternative to fake Brady injuries story: I get to hit him with my car as he is crossing Hudson St..
The AJ Daulerio Moustache Booth
@racistmascot_inc: "Tracy Morgan when he was on SNL" is offended that you left him out.
4 out of 5 dentists prefer Deadspin commenters.
Hookers and blow.
Matt Light moves in with Strahan's ex.
Sorry to burst your bubble Rick, but a Deadspin commenter had this idea for Eli a couple of days ago. [deadspin.com]
Deadspin wins again.
Giuliani for president? Hahahahahahahahaha.
That is funny.
Eli, high life, and young co-eds.
Cobras. And plenty of 'em.
@BubbaCJ24:
Nicole Ritchie's dietician also requested a recount.
Wayne Chrebet suits up in Welker's uniform and we'll take bets on how long it takes Brady to notice.
Bring the DSRL more exposure by holding the pre-game contest between Peyton and Eli before the national anthem.
A Kill Bill 2 reference. Way to go Kiddo
Bloggers vs Mainstream Media.... on the FAMILY FEUD!!!!
"Bill, where's Brady?"
"He's right in front of you."
"That's just a big Ziploc bag filled with ground beef and gravy."
"He's a trooper. He'll tough it out."
Dan Koppen hunts and kills Grendel.
@MeSoHornsby:
"We've secretly replaced Matt Cassel with a mountain tapir. Let's see how long it takes his teammates to notice."
Are the Simmons jokes here too easy?
Lute Olson Dance Party.
I'm sure Belichick will attend.
@Sh!tShow:
Jay Peterman: Name a popular American cheese-based snack.
SAS: I'M GOING TO GO ON MY OWN ON THIS ONE GUYS!
You don't need to suck up, Leitch. I already bought the book.
As for Super Bowl festivities: Watch as we release Bill Belichick into this community of early retiree housewives...
A leisurely reading of God Save the Fan by the fireplace while listening to Gordon Lightfoot or Dan Fogelberg.
[www.stopmikelupica.com]
/Will Leitch for President
Weintraub snarky-journalism workshop.
I would have to get a cod piece made from that white cast material and tell the press that it is from overexertion and just need some time to rest. Then hold a press conference and introduce the teens from Sweden who are going to give me daily massages until it heals.
"Wayne Chrebet suits up in Welker's uniform and we'll take bets on how long it takes Brady to notice."
Probably the minute Chrebet takes any kind of physical contact from the defense and collapses into a pile of dust.
Not having a bye week after the conference title games.
"Bye Week" Replaced by "Murder Mystery Weekend," where Everybody's a suspect... even YOU!
Les Nessman approves.
@MeSoHornsby:
Monkey puts on Pats' offensive coordinator headphones. Bets on if anyone notices a difference.
@Blackaces: We all shop smart. S-mart.
@POPULARCOPY: AJ Daulerio Mustache RIDES
/fixed
"Where's my goddamn money, you nimcompoop?"
/Bridget Moynihan to Tom Brady
tape-measure home run? maybe in Williamsport.
• "Has Tom Brady slept with her?", where contestants will attend a fashion show in Arizona and must guess which supermodel has taken Dreamboat for a spin.
• "Make Belichick Laug" contest. Winner* gets paid 2 million dollars.
*Married soccer moms not eligible to participate.
@The Boy Wonder: I thought that looked awfully familiar.
@Brazil Thrill: "Make Belichick Laugh" would be even betterer.
A return trip to Scottsdale with Chris Berman
The "How To Be a Boston Sports Fan" booth.
Actually, it's just a lobotomy and a six-pack of Sam Adams.