Deadspin
The big Super Bowl question concerning Tom Brady isn't "Is he injured?", but rather "Will he have his nails done?" One can bet that the answer is affirmative, as word has leaked that the Patriots' quarterback will have his own hair stylist on hand in Glendale this weekend. They're calling him a barber, but come on; his name is Pini Swissa.
"I did Tom Brady (Tuesday), and right before the Super Bowl, it's a surprise for everybody. Saturday night, I'm gonna cut it off. Saturday night, we're gonna cut it really, really off. We've been doing it the last couple Super Bowls, and Tom Brady is the last person to be superstitious. Every Super Bowl, I cut his hair off. I hope the helmet's gonna fit after I cut his hair off."
When the conversation turns to Greatest Quarterback of All Time, one supposes that Brady's name deserves to be in the mix. But how can I consider a guy who has a hairstylist on retainer? Didn't Johnny Unitas just let a kid roll over his head with a lawnmower a couple of times a year?
Pini & Brady [Double Coverage]
Comments
Well quaffed? I think you're thinking of Joe Namath.
I think George Takei just scored a touchdown.
In his pants...
...could set a watch by...yaddada yaddada...
I would comment "Know how I know you're gay..." but dude is banging Giselle. Get your hair did Mr. Brady if that's what it gets ya.
So let me see if i have this right, Brady is getting his haircut before the game by a stylist.
reason # 39 to hate Tom Brady
Pini Swissa is a wicked pissah!
Greatest Quarterback of All Time.....with pizazz! Show those jazz hands too, Brady.
Eli's having a bikini wax.
He did Tom Brady?
We still talking about hair here?
@Dieter: I tried to set my watch to Tom Brady's hair, but all it did was jump off my wrist, and then had unprotected sex with my mouse.
@UkraineNotWeak: Strahan is getting dentures?
"I did Tom Brady (Tuesday), and right before the Super Bowl, it's a surprise for everybody. Saturday night, I'm gonna cut it off.
Lorena Bobbit?
Pini Swissa's name and frequent usage of the phrase "cut it off" combine to make this a really creepy story.
Pini Swissa. All I can see when I look at that name is "penis." Well, it had to happen eventually. Tom Brady made me gay.
And here I thought a Pini Swissa was one of those services that cost extra at the "spa" out by the airport.
@Civil Negligence: Dental Plan! Stahan needs braces! Dental Plan! Strahan needs braces...
John Edwards doesn't see what the big deal is.
Pini also meantioned Tom's Brazillian, but we're not sure if he meant Giselle or not.
But who's on call for all those aromatherapy massages?
Pini Swissa also waxes Rodney Harrison's back.
Hey, I'm sure Pini did have Tommy. Pini could do it while Tom hit Giselle missionary.
Just another reason to root for the meteor Sunday.
Gisele Bundchen Will Be Well Queefed On Saturday
Terry Bradshaw's pre-Hulkster skullet gives a smug "hyuk!"
@Weed Against Speed: But does he pop the back-ne first?
Unless they're talking Bic-style action, I don't wanna hear that they're "gonna cut it really, really off." Put up or shut up, man.
Deadspin PM posts > Deadspin AM posts
It's "coiffed," Rick.
/pedant
Tom Brady: Personal stylist.
Ben Roethlisberger: Playoff beard.
Just sayin'...
Any word on Belichick's sweatshirt scissors?
I think "Pini Swissa" means "pube trimmer" in Swedish.
I hope the helmet's gonna fit after I cut his hair off.
Wouldn't a Brazilian wax be more aerodynamic for him?
@TheStarterWife: Office Max sends him a new pair each week.
@The Legend of Vincent Tremblay:
Tom Brady: Kissing supermodels
Ben Roethlisberger: Kissing windshields
Just sayin'...fixed...
@The Legend of Vincent Tremblay:
Giselle = Playoff beard
America will be well quaffed on Sunday.
Production at work will be well fucked on Monday.
@Patchy Drizzle: Outstanding.
I heard Randall Cunningham was going to bring back the '90-era high-top fade the night before the game if the Vikings made it back in '99. Fucking Gary Anderson.
@The Legend of Vincent Tremblay:
That a playoff beard is 25%-33% less effective than a personal stylist?
@TheStarterWife: Sharp, relentless, and unafraid to draw first blood.
Brady: gets hair cut
Eli: still waiting for pubic hair
Tom Brady's getting drunk during the game?
@Whitey Fisk: @IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten: Compare notes.
some people are just not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.
Giselle's going to trim too, just for him! He likes a bald patch on his post-game refreshment.
Barry Melrose and Brian Engblom highly recommend the hockey mullet.
I could see Pini walking into Zipps last night, loving the strong male contingent, but being disgusted with their style. That one in the suit was salvageable, as long as something is done about those bangs.
@Patchy Drizzle: Then I must have put this Piniswissa nightstand I bought at IKEA together wrong.
Eli is going to bring along someone to talk to.
@bizzo5000*: exactly. @Whitey Fisk: +1
This is pretty fuckin' queer.
@LingeringBursitis: Tom Brady was sacked the least number of times this year. Name one quarterback who enjoys a face full of natural turf on a regular basis.
@Signal to Noise:
I hear Brady Quinn likes to be face down on the turf because he's secretly gay. shh!
@Weed Against Speed: Are you missing a peg?
@Signal to Noise:
Brady Quinn.
Oh turf. I thought you said balls.
@Signal to Noise: David Carr? Joey Harrington? Ketel One Kerry?
NEW ENGLAND INJURY REPORT
Questionable:
Tom Brady (split ends)
@kayceebk: I mean willingly.
@bizzo5000*: @Slothrop: you two are having a mindmeld.
@Patchy Drizzle: It's also one of the original members of Wu Tang.