Deadspin
After reading Bill Simmons' magnanimous column this morning, we were began to feel vaguely sympathetic to Boston fans. (Though the biggest revelation from his column is that, had the Patriots won, Simmons had set up to hang out with Tom Brady in his private entourage party room afterwards. The Giants winning might have saved Simmons career; that column might have been the one that finally sent people over the edge.)
Anyway, we received this email from a diehard Patriots fan 30 minutes after the game last night:
I've drained eleven Miller Lites over the course of this debacle, and for some reason, I felt the need to email the editor of Deadspin. I have no idea how to attack this loss. I'm thrown off, definitely, and sad, but it has been a half hour, so my sadness has tapered off a little. What a beat. WHAT. A. BEAT. The worst part is, this team, this awesome team, will be forever remembered as chokers, rather than the team they are: a brilliant team that came within a minute of perfection. Though the fan base (though it is hard for me to swallow the fact that bandwagoners are considered the fan base, but what can I do) deserved the loss, it still... well, multiply the word "sting" by 50. That's the word I'm looking for. Well, I'll take my licks tomorrow, man, no matter how shitty it will end up being. Oddly, since I grew up rooting for these teams, I became accustomed to looks of pity after a loss like this. That's the thing Bill never mentions: since Boston(and New England) sucked for so long, we never developed a thick skin for criticism. We got used to everyone rooting for us, and when we inevitably lost, they shook their heads and said, "Some day, guys." That's why we are the way we are. We can't get used to being envied and hated, so we act like douches and lash back.
Again, sorry, pal. We don't deserve a lick of your sympathy. But, I wanted you to know we took the hit hard tonight... well, at least the diehards did.
Enjoy it while you can. Baseball season's coming soon.
Then, 10 minutes later:
What kills me more than this loss is the fact that half the people who are enjoying this (well deserved) win by the Giants are doing so because they hate the Pats fans, not the Pats. And that's because a lot of people who root for the team don't handle what I was talking about well. We were good at this once, man, I swear. We were small, and were tough, and we were diehards. Things just... grow, and there's nothing you can do. This team, as chippy as they are, were within three minutes of perfection. Three minutes. JEZUS, I can't even get that through my head.
Then, this morning:
The ironic side note to the fact that sports is the perfect form of escapism is that, when you want nothing to do with sports, there is no way you can escape them. I'd almost prefer to be surrounded by drunken diehard Giants fans right now than have to listen to everyone in my office, one by one, come to my desk and offer half-hearted condolences and recycle some reason for the loss they heard on the radio on the way in to work, when all they really want to know is if they hit a square last night.
We know that last one very well; the day after Illinois lost to North Carolina in the NCAA Championship Game, we left our old office at noon. We couldn't take a full day of that.
Comments
this sucks.. they blew it.
Hey, from down there does it look like I'm talking into a bunch of robot penises?
...but it has been a half hour, so my sadness has tapered off a little.
Die-hard, indeed!
The worst part is, this team, this awesome team, will be forever remembered as chokers, rather than the team they are:
Smug, cheating chokers?
Will--
Some of us really appreciate this post. Thanks.
-DJR
Please publish the seven other e-mails Scott Van Pelt sent you today.
You know, if the Bills won Super Bowl XXV I would have spent the next five nights having sex with Kathy Ireland, Cindy Crawford, and Christy Turlington. So what if I was only 10? It's my story and I can make up whatever bullshit I want.
I almost felt bad for Simmons after reading his column today. Almost. MUHUWAHAHAHAHA...
I just want to make it clear that I didn't write this.
I blame Pini Swissa.
When one little panda fails to hang on to a ball thrown by the other team's little panda...
...well that makes me a saaaadddd Pats fan.
My wife watched maybe 15 minutes of the Super Bowl. But she watched the end. And after it was over, she talked about how good that Patriots loss made her feel. I should forward her these e-mails.
@Camp Tiger Claw: My money is on Len Bias Cocaine Surplus.
@Camp Tiger Claw: Not a Miller Lite fan?
@MDT: I think it was My Rice Girl. A real articulate gal, that Cheryl Ling.
[deadspin.com]
@Camp Tiger Claw: me neither. i don't drink lite/light beer.
I don't hate all of the Patriots, but come on - Belichick and Moss are hateable.
I feel bad for my buddies that have had season tickets for the Pats since the mid-80's. The band wagoners, suck it.
Hey, at least the haircut looks nice.
Don't blame me, I voted for Tom Brady's publicist.
The haters won't stand for this level of objectivity, Leitch.
C'mon, commenters...the guy who wrote that third email, he's probably racist, right?
3 Super Bowls and 2 World Series in the last 6 years. Cry. Me. A River.
/average Philly sports fan
@Storming the Floor:
i think Rodney Harrison is the most loathsome of the bunch.
@Gourmet Spud: Do the pandas sound Chinese? Or at least like Charlie Chan?
Did the same guy keep emailing you? Sounds like you could have used some escapism.
I hate the Pats team, I don't really have any Pats fans where I live. My only exposure is on the internet (hello supermike). When Harrison was laying on the ground early on, I was so hopeful. But then he got up. Can't have everything.
Again, sorry, pal. We don't deserve a lick of your sympathy. But, I wanted you to know we took the hit hard tonight... well, at least the diehards did.
-- This is truly a new achievement in douchebaggery. Congrats Massholes - I didn't think you had it in you.
This is almost as good as the guy last night writing screeds about how everyone was insulting his 13 year old brother.
@metroville: I hope the same person wrote all 3 emails and is using deadspin as his own way of working through his grief.
Miller Lite? But I thought Pats fans loved good beer, like Amstel Light?
If the number of beers was a little higher, I would swear those were from Wade Boggs.
@Gourmet Spud: It was too busy eating the bamboo furniture.
When I multiply the word "sting" by 50, I get Macaulay Culkin in My Girl.
Simmons should've put this in his column instead of stalking you.
At least Belicheat took it like a man.
A couple of touching emails from a real fan and we're back to treating Boston fans like loveable losers again? I'm not getting off the hater bandwagon yet!
I hope Dane Cook is OK.
Actually, I hope he hung himself with his belt. That's the only way this day could be any sweeter.
when all they really want to know is if they hit a square last night
Hopefully it was neither Whoopi Goldberg or Bruce Villanch.
@Civil Negligence: dude... 2006 Philadelphia Freedom defeat Newport Beach Breakers 21-14 for the WTT championship!
don't tell me you missed the parade.
"the people who are enjoying this (well deserved) win by the Giants are doing so because they hate the Pats fans, not the Pats."
Hmm... let's see.
Pats fans: Massholes. Check.
Belichick: A dick. Check.
Brady: a douche. Check.
Seymour: a cock sucker. Check.
No, yea, I pretty much hate both the fans AND the team.
He is having intercourse with a supermodel. He needs to relax.
Next year, Cooper Manning leads the Saskatchewan Roughriders over the Patriots in Super Bowl 43.
@metroville: Yes, statistically - odds are he's a racist.
And, since he said that to a stranger he knows "from the internet," he's certainly a douche.
Could a pats fan (or not pats fan) explain the Moss swimming action after he caught the TD pants. I personally preferred his mooning at Lambeau celebration.
@Diddly: If by "a little" you mean "several hundred".
The ironic side note to the fact that sports is the perfect form of escapism is that, when you want nothing to do with sports, there is no way you can escape them.
Perfect timing to have a 2 hour drive this morning in silence. About the only place I can avoid the Interwebs and all the fun it's offering today.
@ralphus: It's even better than Mitchell Report Day, isn't it?
@Dead Wrestlers Society: helloooooo, you.
Thems were nice words. I know I couldn't write that well after 11 Miller Lites, or sober. And he should know a true die hard does and will get over it.
That said, fuck Green Bay and Nate Poole. I hate you.
Diehards don't drink light beer.
Does Brady have "coke nose" in that picture?
For the record, I don't hate the Pats or any fans who remember Grogan, Lofton, et al. Just the bandwagon riding Massholes who act like no other team has ever won a Super Bowl or 2. And dickwipes like Simmons, who I hate on priciple. DaveR and supermike, I have no issues with.
Oh, and I love Beli-cheat's classy move at the end of the game. I hope Specter's digging gets him shit-canned.
I think Brady's helmet tattoo guy wrote those e-mails.
[deadspin.com]
@Dead Wrestlers Society: *pass. What would TD pants look like?
"Next year we'll be awesome."
-Every Bears fan shortly after XLI.
@Jefferson Short Bus: +50 EpiPens.
@RaycroftGoalieMask: Quite the opposite. When having intercourse with a supermodel, you need to be at the top of your game! No relaxing allowed.
if you want to enjoy the bottom feeders pile-on, Boston Craigslist Rants and Raves are pretty damn funny.
[boston.craigslist.org]
Cheer up Pat's fans, you have Tippet's HOF induction to look forward to. At least the die hards do.
@Rob Iracane: And be thinking about baseball and Bea Arthur.
@The Dude: i don't get it... where did the original list of items and attributes (to later be checked off) come from?
if you were stating what you thought those things on the list were, why are you then checking them off? that is confusing...
@ralphus: I hope he used Rodney Harrison's and Junior Seau's moral sense. Wait you said hung himself, not went bungee jumping.
@metroville:
C'mon, we are just going through your standard five levels of "Gloat":
1. Shock
2. Euphoria
3. Taunting
4. Exhaustion
5. Transference to other fan base
We'll be at number 4 by Thursday. Hang in there.
@Dead Wrestlers Society: They look like whatever it is Eli Manning wears, so..... OshKosh B'gosh I guess?
@The Dude:
So do Pats fans who aren't Massholes still count?
@The Dude: yea, when did boston fans forget that they actually do have a hateable team that ran up the score all year and had a massive karma attack coming to them at some point?
we are celebrating because we hate the coach, tom brady, randy moss, and the fans. don't take all the credit.
on a