Deadspin
It will come as a shock, a shock, we tell you, to learn that our friend John Rocker was on steroids. Throughout this book tour, we've been impersonating Rocker at every stop, and we need steroids just to get into character.
Fortunately, Rocker is being the lovable galoot that he is, confessing to steroid use in the third person.
He also said that "Bud Selig is a clown and should do the entire world a favor and kill himself." Rocker, no stranger to controversy, made those comments on Atlanta radio station Rock 100.5.
Later Monday, he told Atlanta sports talk radio station 680 The Fan that "between 40 to 50 percent of baseball players are on steroids" and "in 2000 Bud Selig knew John Rocker was taking the juice."
It's sad, really, to see a guy we very much enjoy reduced to following the irrefutably foolproof career path paved by Jose Canseco. Sheesh, he's even dressing like the guy.
John, call us: We know some people. And by "people," we mean, well, we pretty much just know you. But not Biblically.
John Rocker Was On Steroids. Shocker. [UmpBump]
Comments
Addressing yourself in the third person is just how Rocker chooses to SPEAK ENGLISH.
Hey youuuu guys!
Do steroids make your shirts transparent?
For a guy who made fun of "queers on the 7 train," that shirt is pretty fucking ###.
Christ, he looks like Blair's retarded cousin from "Facts of Life"
Steroids + Absolut Mandrin & Red Bull + John Rocker = Ultimate Warrior
John Rocker is a clown and should do the entire world a favor and neuter himself.
Fixed
@Phony Gwynn: You bet your balls thats a ### shirt.
He also appears to have Stallone mouth.
Sloth Love Chunk!
The half-zippered collar really makes that shirt fashionable.
No, tree.
@LeagueofShadows: Or Jean Chretien mouth.
Dude looks like a conglomerated mongrel version of Chris Klein and Jake Gyllenhaal, except with a few missing chromosomes.
I think he injected the steroids into his face.
This is the most offensive thing John Rocker has ever done.
That shirt looks like one of Will's black t-shirts after one too many washings.
That shirt is so gay it could suck it's own c***.
After 3 tabs of Jesus Christ blotter, your face would melt too.
Rocker has a much more thorough account of his steroid use by way of a painting on a cave wall by his home.
@bizzo5000: +1. And her name was Jeri and she was funny.
Such a rampant steroid problem wouldn't exist today had the side effect of growing a third had out of your neck been made public much sooner.
"Bud Selig is a clown and should do the entire world a favor and kill himself."
In the interest of full disclosure, I LOL'd at that.
But does he drink Miller Lite while 'roiding up?
@Chief Wahoo: +1. Beautifully vulgar, sir.
@J-No: "Hiiii...I'm just a stranger passing through. I'm soooo lonely."
/incredibly awkward Jeri Warner line I can remember
@J-No: Not to split hairs, but I thought she had cerebral palsy?
Aw, nice to see that bat boy kid finally made a name for himself!
And fuck you, John Rocker. I wish that battery would have clocked you at Shea.
This shouldn't come as a shock to anyone - some of Rocker's best friends are steroids. In fact, he's even dating one!
Nice to see the 'Zoo Crew in the Morning' is still breaking news.
@Chamomiles Davis: Definitely had a palsy as she dated Van Pelt for a bit.
@Chamomiles Davis: I think you are right. I had entirely forgotten her existence until I read the comment.
Thank you for airbrushing out his nipples.
@Chief Wahoo: So he got that shirt from Prince?
/ urban myth
John Rocker es un payaso y debe hacer el mundo entero un favor y matarse.
/universally agreed in any language
@InReggiesBush:
Or BY GAWD GOOD OLE JR mouth
Photo Caption:
John Rocker is buds with the Thing? Cool.
The biggest revelation to come out of this is that when Rocker was with the Rangers, team trainers/physicians discussed how to use steroids properly with: (1) John Rocker; (2) Rafael Palmeiro; (3) Ivan Rodriguez; and (4) A-Rod.
Umm, the first two are admitted users, and the third was named in the Mitchell Report. What does that say about A-Rod?
I bet he could fit two Big Macs in that mouth.
And I ain't talkin about hamburgers.
Not that Rocker needs me defending him, but that shirt might not be quite as ### as it looks. Big camera flashes can make certain fabrics look transparent. That's how we get all the nice nipple shots of braless Hollywood starlets.
/more starlet nipple
//less Rocker nipple
Strike "Photo Caption"
Replace with "Retard tries to make joke here:"
Actually his chest is airbrushed on the front of the shirt. He bought it at the fair. It was on the rack next to the tuxedo tee.
I agree with his Bud suicide policy.
I love my Joey and Joey loves me
O AND HE ROIDY
@Big Daddy Drew: He could fit either two pre-steroids or 4 post-steroids Big Macs in his mouth.
So is
"O AN HE SEXY" Off limits here? I just want a rule clarification.
It's a photo from "Hot Chicks with Douchebags," minus the hot chick.
@Put the F-ing Lotion in the Basket:
Now that's a campaign slogan I can get behind.
This is all just a bullshit act by Rocker to sell (Will's) books.
Umm, the first two are admitted users, and the third was named in the Mitchell Report. What does that say about A-Rod?
That you should read the Mitchell Report again because only the first two appeared in it.
Evidently steroids turns you gay and gives you Bells Palsy, I'll make sure to remember that.
"I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!"
@Rob Iracane: I agree with his Pagliacci-themed Bud suicide policy.
Embellished.
@twoeightnine:
You know what - I think that Pudge was one of the names that appeared in the "premature" list that Will and some other sites posted that morning.
Fuck me in the pants.
@HazelMaesLandingStrip: Does that explain Jim Ross' recent slobbering over every wrestler's physique on WWE?
Scooby Doo.
@HazelMaesLandingStrip: Hey, there's a new Hazel Mae billboard across from the Cask 'N Flagon. Looking friskay...
@Doctor Lingerie: Outstanding.
There is no Twisted Sister song for the emotions I am feeling right now.
There is no Twisted Sister song for what I am feeling right now.
ooooooooooooooh, fuck
@Stev D: The self-fecta!
@Doyle McPoyle:
Just one more weapon the Red Sox have stolen from teams (Blue Jays) that can't afford to keep them.