Deadspin
So, here's pretty much what you've missed in the Roger Clemens testimony so far:
• Clemens said the conversation in which Andy Pettitte claims Clemens admitted to steroid use was actually about "a TV show in which three older people said they'd used HGH and improved their quality of life." Oh, so like Cocoon?
• Rep. Elijah Cummings pretty much accusing Clemens of lying about everything.
• Clemens claiming his wife did HGH (for her SI photo shoot), but not him. Which is nice, and should go over well.
• Brian McNamee looks a lot like Zelig.
• Clemens is very angry. Grrr. Roger smash.
(UPDATE: Nothing will ever beat this:
Congressman: "Mr. Clemens, do you recall bleeding through your pants in 2001?"
Clemens: "I do not."
Well, that's a relief.)
Here's some video, if you want it:
Comments
McNamee needs a wedgie
Rep. Elijah Dukes says you dead dawg.
So..Roger let McNamee inject his wife in the ass? I knew he pitched, but didn't know he also swings!
Stephen F. Lynch is pussy man
Your tax dollars at work, folks.
Clemens has a fat ass - McNamee
So when does Wilford Brimley testify? I'd tune in for that in a heartbeat.
Is Chairman Dick Dodge involved in this proceeding?
I didn't know midgets could be photographers.
I haven't missed a goddamn thing. Shanoff is live-twittering the event.
If this congressman hates these "circus hearings", um, why's he there again? Clearly, he's a big Roger Clemens fan. Calling him a "baseball titan" was a nice touch.
Congress' front office is being very unkind to Clemens. Watch out, he's about to get in really good shape and start pitching for Al-Qaeda!
With Steve Guttenberg as Koby Clemens.
@J-No: I'm holding out for reanimated corpses of Don Ameche and Hume Cronyn.
Roger will be sentenced to one year on the couch and three years without Debra making his favorite.
As we near a recession, it's comforting to see that congress is focused on the important things.
Hope the couch at your house is comfy, Rog.
Are they doing the Bye Bye Bye dance in that photo?
Raise your hand if you could go for a big ol' sammich.
@Ray: Dammit.
• Did the Macarena
"Mr. Clemens, we want to remind you that YOU'RE UNDER OATH. Do you know what that means?"
(cue thought bubble with monkey playing the drums with circus music in the background)
@Rob Iracane:
I bet the liveblog is not the only thing he twitters.
Oh wait, Florida's football season has been over for over a month. Sorry.
very disappointed in the suit & tie selections, you're representing America guys in the words of Gob Bluth "COME ON!"
@Rob Iracane: Live-twittering? Shanoff is a sweetheart, but when did he turn into a 12 year old girl?
@Rob Iracane: Shanoff? How is he managing to inject Tim Tebow and Joakim Noah into the conversation?
Wow, Dan Burton of Indiana would have made mincemeat of Socrates. Quite the logician. Dumbass...
A palpable mass was reported to be found on Roger's buttocks.
Was Father Steroid leading the service?
@Rob Iracane: I usually have to pay top dollar for live twitters.
Ok, wait...are McNamee and Clemens sitting at the same table? Do think it's taking all of Roger's self control to keep from just reaching over and throttling him?
@Refer To Madness: Congress hates circus hearings, until irrelevant congressmen get their face time with the cameras.
@Refer To Madness: Does that mean Dan Brown is a scientologist?
@The White Boom Boom: The guy in the middle is an MMA fighter just in case.
Waxman the Ugly will NOT bend to requests to alter parliamentary procedure!
Rep. Stephen F. Lynch has impeccable hair.
Seriously, his hair is pretty nice. Brady Quinn would hate me for admitting this.
Wow, Clemens lawyer just got told.
Clemens lawyer just tried to bail out Clemens by wanting to violate Committee rules and speak directly to the Comm...That lawyer got PWNED by the congressmen who basically told him to shut the fuck up.
Holy shit, this is classic.
You dead, dawg
The sign of any healthy marriage is when you can sell out your wife before a Congressional hearing about illicit drugs and then have make-up sex later.
Im pretty sure ANY injection could cause an abscess, regardless of what the idiot trainers said.
@TheStarterWife: ...I'm going to jail, aren't I?
@38sweatscrisco: Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit! COME ON!
Roger is so sleeping on the couch for a week.
@theballadofrickeyfoggie: Actually, it's probably best for Congress to stay away from economic policy. Let's leave that to the Fed. Remember we have a certain Senator running for the Presidency who pitched increasing Food Stamps funding as an economic stimulus.
@J-No: "HGH - its the right thing to do and a tasty way to do it."
@buttons: At least there is nothing important going on, like a war...
A clown with a very loud horn once severely damaged my circus hearing.
@Weed Against Speed: Looks more like The Supremes doing "Stop! In the Name of Love"
@poutineandgravy: +1 for the Disco Fry avatar.
@Tuffy: well, yes. But for many reasons.
@Big Poppa Pimp:
I did everything on this list. Except that. That woman got her shoes back.
Who's Roger Clemens again?
Barry Bonds is laughing his ass off right now. That is until he goes to jail. Then he'll be crying.
I just realized that Rusty Hardin is Steve Spurrier if he were a lawyer.
@Signal to Noise:
Couch or a hard prison mattress?
The one who loses the most after this is Mitch Almbom. It is now documented on live t.v that the judge of this case has larger ears than him. Also, check out that nose
This is way better than Book TV.
Don't these dudes take a break? They've got to take a piss at some point, right?
I love how the distinguished gentlemen from the Commonwealth of Mass. are ganging up on Clemens. God bless this country and God bless America!
@Signal to Noise: But his wife loves when he pops her backne in bed. To them, it's foreplay.
They've spent the last 45 minutes talking about Clemens' ass. Kill me now
@William: catheters: your tax dollars at work
OH NOES DAVIS SAID THE WORD 'LYNCHING'