Deadspin
All told, as the dust has settled from Roger Clemens' appearance before Congress yesterday, one thing is clear: There is, in fact, a worse stance to take under oath than "I'm not here to talk about this past." And it involves ass bleeding.
As the quite amusing 236.com updates its Dickipedia entry on Clemens, we sit back and wonder why Clemens put himself through all this. He's the one who fought the Mitchell Report charges so vehemently, and those denials are the real reason he was up there yesterday anyway. And yesterday only made him look like more of a liar.
Clemens spoke haltingly, answered evasively, contradicted himself, and whispered with his lawyers when asked to explain these contradictions. Perhaps, like Sammy Sosa in 2005, he would've been better off claiming he didn't speak English.
So where does Clemens go from here? Is there anything he can do? We don't think so; we think this was the final step. What more can the man say about steroids at this point? It's over for him.
This is yet another reason why most baseball players shouldn't talk.
The Rocket Under Fire [Slate]
(UPDATE: Here's a great rundown from The Atlantic Monthly.)
Comments
"I thought it would be a good idea to dress exactly like the portrait in the back of the room. What do you think?"
Blame it on the dog.
Reasons baseball players shouldn't talk:
1. Roger Clemens
2. Ryan Dempster
3. ...
4. Profit?
I still don't think steroids or HGH actually increase performance. This is all hype about snake oil b.s.
KARL CHILDERS IMITATION
Another reason they shouldn't talk? Lots of them are Republicans.
@Sigerson: you forgot "and get off my lawn!".
I thought he was simply trying to bulk up so one day he would be able to hold Dave Stewart's jock. That's worth some polka dots on your pinstripes.
McGwire has basically dropped off the face of the earth. Is it to much to hope for a sequel? Dont go away mad, just go away.
I bet his wife really gave it to him with the strap-on last night.
Why won't Clemens just come clean and tell everyone that he took HGH in order to improve his bowling skills so he could challenge Munson and McCracken for the million dollar prize?
@Camp Tiger Claw: Has Schilling gotten so fat that he counts as more than one player now?
Oh, Roger, the bleeding will just get so much worse when you're in prison.
This is yet another reason why most baseball players shouldn't talk.
**Does not apply to John Rocker. Dude, talk all you want.
Perhaps Clemens should have taken the path trod by McGwire and said, "I'm not here to talk about my past ass bleeding".
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: ...speaking of ass bleeding. Yeow.
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: I think she probably just kicked him in his now shrunken testicles over and over again. Throwing your wife under the bus? The man has no shame.
They have him on a tapped cell phone saying "I killed Dog. He had much love for me, even then."
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: Strap on? After all the HGH, I just assumed she sprouted the Real Deal.
@crazyjoedavola: To be fair, he asked her if she objected, but the cell phone connection cut out.
Sweet picture. After it was taken, did he slap his face a bunch of times and go "nyahhh"?
...Sorry, but the sound Curly from the Three Stooges makes is almost impossible to write down.
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: Roger would make a sorry ninja.
Is it just me, or does that picture make it look like Roger is taking a very satisfying whiz?
So where does Clemens go from here?
Well, he could commit suicide......
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(just sayin')
Is Hardin looking for Clemens' credibility down there?
Is it just me, or does that picture make it look like Roger is taking a very satisfying whiz?
Either that, or he just got finished burying a body.
He could just hope that the presidential pardon that Yahoo! Sports is speculating on comes to fruition...
[sports.yahoo.com]
@OhGodYes: 'cause it sure as hell ain't any higher.
@A Pimp Named Daver4470: Naw, I'm thinking he'd fake his own death, then come back and claim it never happened.
Check out Rusty, looking under the table for Roger's credibility.
@A Pimp Named Daver4470: I'd say its more the look my dog has after taking a huge dump on the neighbor's lawn.
@OhGodYes: Great minds think alike.
Photographer to Roger:
"That's it, Rog. Come on, come on. Give it to me. Come on, work it. Work it. Yeah be a man, be a man. You are a lover boy!!"
@TheStarterWife: Schilling is slim and trim this year. Beckett's the one who reported to camp with a spare tire.
@Illegal Immigrant: Kevin Hart has called a press conference to claime he is now dead.
@Weed Against Speed: He looks stout. The camera loves stout!
@OhGodYes: @sassydeerrun: No, he looks like he's searching for Henry Waxman.
@Doyle McPoyle: Oh, a wise guy eh? Reminds me to moida ya later. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
Congressman: What do you think should happen to Andy Pettitte and Brian Macnamee?
Lawyer: Don't answer that Roger!!
Congressman: Well?
Clemens: Yes, they deserved to die AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!!!
Congressman: is that from "a time to kill" ?
Clemens: Uh, I mis-remember
@A Pimp Named Daver4470: Or the "I'm Fucking your wife and there is nothing you can do about it" grin.
@Texas Gal: You need some extra weight above the belt to balance yourself out when you're balls are bigger than Derek Anderson's.
Roger says Magnum is gonna blow us all away.
That old adage is true- baseball is politics for ugly people who can't make it in hollywood.
@OhGodYes: School marm behind Rocket Abcess disapproves of my punctuation.
It's Rob Cordry plus 50 pounds.
But Jayson Stark said that "Clemens spoke with passion and energy, and with what sounded like heartfelt conviction!"
Now that he's no longer with ESPN, Harold Reynolds gets the worse seats.
@Fiver: I don't see why Iron Man's opinion should make any difference.
What?
Why is Jah Mohr back there in the peanut gallery?
Did some sort of bad haircut flash mob assemble there?
Ok Roger, if you didn't get any injections, why do you have an arm sticking out of your butt?