Greetings, Deadspinners. I am Christmas Ape, the latest in a glorious succession of Kissing Suzy Kolber writers to serve as your Weekend Editor. Those of you who are regular readers over there probably know me for chronicling the imaginary exploits of Philip Rivers and posting the occasional picture of my cat.

When I'm not slinging dick jokes on the innerwebs, I'm writing (boring) local news stories for one of the major outlets of the nefarious MSM ("Haw! Haw! Our medium's dying!"). That's right, Stephen A., I'm trained! I have a journalism degree, even if it's from the school that aggressively pushed Jayson Blair despite his many warning signs. The only job I've had covering sports was as an intern at USA Today, where I spent the days listening to a crazed and grizzled old editor yell at the TV on his desk two alternating phrases during college basketball games: "Don't bring that weak shit!" and "Brilliant!" (Those Guinness ads had just debuted) It was enough to scare me away for life.

Tips/Pics of Neil O'Donnell getting punched in the face: XmasApe@gmail.com

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