Deadspin
As you've surely noticed by the obsessively rigid timestamps on almost every Deadspin post, which are the same every day, we're kind of anal retentive about time. We hate to be late anywhere — in fact, we're usually half an hour early to everything — and our life is meticulously scheduled. It kind of has to be. So when we realized that we were going to be half an hour late to the Georgetown reading last night, we began rapping our head against the Amtrak window repeatedly. It drives us a little more nuts than it might most people.
Turns out, yesterday some sad soul on the East Coast decided to commit suicide by jumping in front of an Amtrak train. This forced all trains to run about two hours late. This was described to passengers as a "track obstruction." If this guy knew that his life's epitaph would be a "track obstruction," he probably would have killed himself all over again.
So anyway, we finally arrived to a surprisingly formidable crowd, but we did our thing and then drank too much afterwards, which is why the site's going to suck today. (Hey. It's a Friday.) And thus ends the first leg of this endless, awesome tour. We're back in NYC next week for two readings, and then we're taking a freaking vacation so we can see people's faces rather than just a shifting unfocused flipshow of vague images.
So, thanks, Washington, D.C. Next stop: New York City!
Comments
I can attest to the too much drinking.
Will, I think that guy in the back is flipping you off. Is he one of those Washington Redskins I've heard so much about?
Ironically, the guy was compelled to commit suicide after being forced to watch "Throw Momma From The Train".
Holy fuck did I drink too much last night.
We might be a while, Smithers. Why don't you get drunk and stagger around aimlessly for my amusement?
If this guy knew that his life's epitaph would be a "track obstruction," he probably would have killed himself all over again.
Brian Bosworth just went on to an "acting" career.
I heard ESPN killed the dude in an effort to ruin the GSTF book tour.
Zach Randolph's reaction to not being traded from the Knicks yesterday was a bit of an overreaction.
Turns out, yesterday some sad soul on the East Coast decided to commit suicide by jumping in front of an Amtrak train. This forced all trains to run about two hours late.
Talk about selfish. Sheesh.
You call it "suicide", I call it "secret ESPN agent pushing somebody onto the train tracks in order to delay their nemesis, Will Leitch, from getting to his book reading."
I don't mean to freak you out, Will, but...four minutes to Wapner.
i swear i was the only black guy there...which makes me wonder, whats the demographics been like on tour?
@ArkansasFred: just need a little hair of the dog and you'll be right back on track
@Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0: Doh!
.
Damn. Now I have a raging urge to off my self.
Hello Sash.
@Stev D: If I drunk dialed you and offered myself to you sexually, I apologize.
@Stev D: @ArkansasFred: and Andrea makes 3.
Didn't this poor soul know he was cutting into valuable after book signing drinking time?
Lucky guy. All i can afford to throw myself in front of is a Greyhound.
Will, no love for Cleveland? The fuck?
Will did declare his intent to run for president during the book signing.
When can I release the photos of you and the lobbyist in the bar?
Hopefully, the man's death came as quick as Will talks.
@Sh!tShow:
Back in my day, we had to wait for a passing chariot.
@Burning_River: Will's version of the Midwest consists only of Illinois.
Don't be so modest, Will, the site sucks every day.
Hmmm. DC. Home of the Sports Blogging Mafia.
And only one photo in Will's Flickr.
@Burning_River: And Boise, apparently.
@Burning_River: He wasn't okayed by LeBron.
What I want to know is, how many people referred to it as "Barnes & Nobles"? That shit pisses me right off.
Singular, fuckers, singular!
If the night didn't end with someone shooting the sauces at Old Glory, it was a failure.
@TheStarterWife: Secret identities are a bitch to photograph.
I'm just waiting for the day that instead of jumping in front of a train we will just have suicide booths.
But that won't be for another 1000 years.
That's a pretty good excuse--just crazy enough that no one would doubt it. But you can't fool me...I saw you in the self-help section, weeping quietly and holding a copy of "The Secret".
It was a hell of a time, and good to meet some of the peanut gallery last night at Old Glory.
The really amazing thing about Will's appearance at B&N was the giant author's portrait on the wall over his right shoulder that made it appear (at least to those in the back) that he was dreaming of Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio the entire time.
@TheJizzone: "right back on track" - intended?
Pic-tures?
While Will was an enduring a delay on Amtrak due to a suicide, those of us left behind on Deadspin had too endure a 2 hour shutdown last night on Deadspin due to Nibble's new comment box induced suicide.
Track obstruction? Amtrak calls cockblacks "mack obstructions" and bras "rack obstructions". You don't even want to know what "jack obstruction" means.
@TheStarterWife: I have a handful of pics, but forgot my cord to connect my camera to my computer. I'll upload them when I get home.
Alcohol + patio frostbite = good times
Is the NYC reading this Monday? Will there be cocktails afterwards?
@Wyshynski: Did anyone interrupt a pleasant conversation you were in by saying that no listens to you anymore because you're not on a major network?
It seems from the picture above that Will's black t-shirt also committed suicide during the trip.
sorry I missed out but my week old son took precedent. barely.
Ah the train suicide. Selfish pricks make me late for work, or coming home from work. Eat a shotgun dammit. Not to mention the poor guy who drives the train who has to deal with it.
/Dad was a train engineer.
Track obstruction? Has anybody heard from Supermike?
@UkraineNotWeak: Its Georgetown man, at least he didnt pop his collar
@crazyjoedavola: He should have had someone riding shotgun.
@Doyle McPoyle:
My grandfather briefly played for the Chicago CockBlacks.
@Gourmet Spud: Man, I gotta stop commenting while simultaenously thinking about big, black cocks.
Sounds like I missed out on a good time. Did the "Homestead Grays" guy make it from RFK to the bar?
Driving that train, high on cocaine,
Casey jones is ready, watch your speed.
Trouble ahead, trouble behind,
And you know that notion just crossed my mind.
This old engine makes it on time,
Leaves central station bout a quarter to nine,
Hits river junction at seventeen to,
At a quarter to ten you know its travlin again.
Driving that train, high on cocaine,
Casey jones is ready, watch your speed.
Trouble ahead, trouble behind,
And you know that notion just crossed my mind.
Trouble ahead, lady in red,
Take my advice youd be better off dead.
Switchmans sleeping, train hundred and two is
On the wrong track and headed for you.
Driving that train, high on cocaine,
Casey jones is ready, watch your speed.
Trouble ahead, trouble behind,
And you know that notion just crossed my mind.
Trouble with you is the trouble with me,
Got two good eyes but you still dont see.
Come round the bend, you know its the end,
The fireman screams and the engine just gleams...