Deadspin
If you had been wondering what exactly Chris Berman thought about the all those videos that have shown up around these parts, featuring him deux deux deuxing in supposedly off-camera moments, well, someone finally thought to ask him. His response is rational, paranoid and hilarious.
Basically, Berman is convinced that the Cold War is still going on, and it's happening on the series of tubes.
''It's almost as if what we would fight against as a country — the Soviets spying — it's almost like that's what everyone is doing,'' Berman said by phone Wednesday. "What's said in the huddle, which is what I did, should be in the huddle. I'm disappointed people would think I'm not really good with the people I work with, which couldn't be further from the truth. Do I wish I didn't say a few things nine years ago? Yes. But if that's the worst thing I ever did, I can live with it.''
We think that's a rather fair and measured reaction ... as long as it's the worst thing he ever did! Is there something worse out there? Careful, Mr. Berman ... the Soviets are everywhere.
Big Brother Watches, Listens [Miami Herald]
ESPN Reacts To Berman Videos, Takes Them Down Off YouTube. But Worry Not. [Deadspin]
Comments
What happens in Bristol stays in Bristol.
@Clare: What happens with leather stays with leather?
"44 Wing Left. Ready? Break"
/what's said in the huddle
You're with me, Lenin.
The Soviets spied on me masturbating when I was a kid. At least I think it was. It might have been the 77 year old lonely neighbor that was always licking his lips when he saw me. I'm with you Berman.
Soviets:Espn as Spies:Deadspin?
Works for me.
Viva la revolution.
WOLVERINES!!
/Red Dawn-ed
In Soviet Bristol, deux deux deux take YOU!
Translation: "Oh crap, they're on to me, and my career is circling the drain"
Not printed: the 4-minute tirade when someone farted during his conversation with the Miami Herald reporter.
The Soviets are getting back at him for doing the Miracle On Ice highlights.
Berman's least favorite player: Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila
@sassydeerrun: Leather wasn't bad; it was hilarious.
Berating an 11 year old for asking him about YWML in front of a crowd at the NFL Draft, HOWEVAH, may be the worst thing Boom ever did.
I'm disappointed people would think I'm not really good with the people I work with, which couldn't be further from the truth.
Despite overwhelming video evidence to the contrary?
You just knew he'd freak out when these videos were Stalin.
@Weed Against Speed: I must break you.
He'd have been angrier but he's so looped on Percoset he makes the Dalia Lama look like the Hulk.
Rockwell agrees
You guys joke about this, but Marko Aleksandrovich Ramius has been living just outside Bristol since 1990 when he defected. Who knows what he's been up to since then?
I already told you. I deal with the god damn idiots who run in front of the camera so that my director doesn't have to. I am good at dealing with people. What the hell is wrong with you people!?!
What's said in the huddle, which is what I did, should be in the huddle.
Which is essentially Berman's version of Bush's:
"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again."
Its true--the Emperor really has no clothes
Unfuckingbelievable
Comparing your fucknozzlery being put on display to people being spied on in the USSR (which often resulted in being exiled to Siberia and/or killed) is a good way to garner sympathy.
Might want to tone it down, Berman.
I lost brain cells trying to read his first sentence...
can't wait to see Berman blocking a tank in Times Square...
whenever I speak in front of a camera, that is clearly recording and pointing directly at me, I always assume I have total privacy.
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus!!! You'd think the goddamn Soviets ran Connecticut!
@Weed Against Speed:
Pilot: All that hate's gonna burn you up, kid.
C. Thomas Howell: It keeps me warm.
if I can change...you can change...everybody can change!
@Al_Czerviks_Ride: Tom Mees would've like Montana.
tWWL will soon launch a McCarthyish investigation to sniff out and eliminate all DS leaks, potted plant thieves, and near-bike-rack parkers.
Off camera, Chris Berman discusses Rumbling, Bumbling, and Stumbling as not just a vocational catch phrase, but as a way of life.
@Signal to Noise:
actually, I think Boomer was comparing himself to a Marine, CIA agent, or diplomat at the since demolished US Embassy in Moscow. Which might be worse than comparing himself to a Soviet citizen being spied on by his/her government.
It is a lot like communism, except that part about no one being allowed to criticize a repressive, centralized power.
So Berman clearly thinks that Belicheat is the devil, then?
(what? we can't still talk about it?)
"God DAMN it! Can't everybody stop SPYING for ten minutes? Everybody can we....Jesus CHRIST! I mean it's not that much to ask, to let what goes on in the huddle stay in the huddle, even though my huddle has cameras and lights and things and everything's recorded. Is THAT when everybody has to spy, when I'm trying to concentrate? JESUS!
I mean that's so rude, I can't believe that's so GODDAMN RUDE...why does everyone all of a sudden have to spy? They had two fucking HOURS to spy, wait ten minutes!
Jesus.
I'm sorry to explode like that, but no one's ever worked in black ops before? No one's ever studied counter-surveillance measures before?
Saving videos for seven years, I mean, what the fuck do they think they're doing?
(shakes head)
I actually can't BELIEVE what I just saw. It's like NO ONE here has ever worked for the CIA before!"
His decision to continually play in the Pebble Beach Pro-Am with the SAME straw hat and the SAME Hawaiian Moo-Moo and the SAME tired antics is clearly worse than berating some snot-nosed gaffer.
Jesus! It's like nobody's ever banged his shoe on a table at the UN before!
@Chloroform Monster: That could be the title of a sex tape we don't want to see.
Communism was just a red herring...that Berman proceeded to dip in mayo and melted butter.
jets on the schedule at 6:30 on a holiday. hard to blame the guy.
So that's what The Police were talking about...
Mr. Berman, a Mr. Edward Wilson would like to have a word with you.
(Would have been funnier if I could have just gone with James Jesus Angleton.)
I had a drink with Boomer in a Providence, RI bar one night about four years back and he was a surprisingly likable fellow. Also, he was a lot taller than I expected. Exactly as chubby though.
If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
Everyone is very brave when they're anonymous, and that's very disturbing to me, whether it's about me or anyone else. I'd like to think people would be more productive with their time.''
Maybe people snipe at you "anonymous"-ly because your employer is a raging, maniacal, diabolical, back-stabbing hypocrite shaped like Mickey Mouse's dick that will stop at nothing to protect their own ends or the well-being of trilobites like yourself who hitched their raggedy, warn careers to a fledgling station 30 years ago and held on for dear life.
Fuck you Berman, you fat, bald, no-talented, sweaty mass of stained pig shit. Go listen to some Eagles and eat some lit dynamite.
My name is Adam Sivits, asshole.
I guess what the Bermanator is trying to say is , if he can change, and you can change, everybody can change.
I'm disappointed people would think I'm not really good with the people I work with, which couldn't be further from the truth.
Hear that, guys? He has people skills! He is good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
@throwbot: ahhhhh FUCK!
A Soviet sub had been spotted in the duck pond.
Communist? I am a Yankee, sir, first and foremost!
/Costanza