The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.
Any of you who run your own blog know the joy of "search terms." While comments tell you what your regular readers think about your content, search terms show you what freaky, random internet strangers might find valuable in your accumulated pages of pseudo-journalism.
At STF, we get a ton of searches for the likes of "Bill Walker peeing," "Dan Dakich bald spot" and "Lute Olson sexy." Then there's the lonely soul who wandered in looking for late-80s Oklahoma guard Dave Sieger. But we also get a surprisingly steady flow of anonymous queries about Tennessee's Bruce Pearl. We're glad that hoops nation is turning to us to answer the tough questions, but the reach of our little site is not enough to truly solve these riddles. So, without further ado, let's use this here bully pulpit to battle some ignorance.
Search term: Bruce Pearl black or white? According to JewishSports.com, Bruce Pearl is a member of the tribe, having grown up in a reformed Orthodox home. So, the correct PC code word to use here is "swarthy." It covers all of your bases.
Bruce Pearl ladies man: Answer=hell yes. We've seen photos of an oiled-up Pearl gripping a young lady half his age on a boat somewhere. Then he unveiled his "drape 'em" move on Erin Andrews on live television over the past weekend. Women want him, and men want to be him.
Bruce Pearl Pat Summit relationship: AAAAAAAAAAAGH! MY SYNAPSES!!!!!
Is Bruce Pearl dirty? There are many ways to take this query. Is he guilty of recruiting violations? Not so far as the NCAA is concerned. Is his personal hygiene suspect? During and after a game, he's probably pretty rank, but I'm betting he at least takes a PTA shower and splashes on some Hai Karate before hitting the clubs at night. If it's young ladies wanting to know if Pearl is "up for it", then heck yes - Uncle Bruce will do anything, any time, anywhere. I think his record speaks for itself. (Ed. Note: We Illini fans might have a different definition of "dirty" than you do, at least when it comes to Pearl.)
Strangely enough, not one search for "Bruce Pearl topless" yet. Ah, well, there's always the postseason.
Apparently, These Two Schools Don't Like Each Other. Tennessee 69-Vanderbilt 72. This game was played in America's least telegenic gymnasium. However, the term barn-burner was a figurative, if accurate, description of the action contained therein. Shan Foster hit for 32, but it was freshman Keegan Bell (zero points) tracking down a loose ball on the one-hrmph line that saved Kevin Stallings' few remaining hairs. Coaching job of the night honors went to the Nashville cops, who somehow kept the student white-out from spilling onto the Memorial Gym floor, sparing the school a repeat of last year's Florida debacle.
Greg Oden Isn't Limping Through That Door. Ohio State 69-Indiana 72?. Remind me again why we're taking OSU seriously as a bubble team? With the exception of an early-season win at a then-healthy Syracuse, the Buckeyes have failed to answer the bell in every statement game they've been faced with. Give their at-large spot to the real deal in Ohio - the Kent State Golden Flashes. Love, love, love D.J. White, however. When Gordon flounders, Deej is there to pick up the pieces.
Sometimes A Loss is Still A Win. Western Michigan 56-Northern Illinois 49. The score of this game matters less than the fact that it was played at all. Former Colorado coach Ricardo Patton has successfully led the UNI Huskies back to the court following an extended break to mourn the victims of an on-campus shooting. Western Michigan, aware that they would be accorded the honor of being the next opponent for the struggling school, has been wearing black ribbons in solidarity. I'm not really the type who believes that sports heal all, but sometimes a team outing is the best way to put on a brave face for the public.
Tonight's Big Game
Again, I wasn't really feelin' it when it came to the significance of tonight's top 25 games. Instead, I went for a matchup that has a great deal of meaning in the at-large picture.
Miami (Fla.) (19-7) at Clemson (19-7). Clemson's tournament profile looks pretty good at this point, but if they really want to lay the doubts to rest and solidify their third-place standing in the ACC, it really behooves them to win this home game against a possible contender. On the Miami side, this is their last chance to make a statement for the committee outside of the conference tournament. We're dealing with a lot of shit here.
Coming Soon: Conference Tournaments