Hockey players are uglier than sin. I'm sorry I clicked on the headshots page.

Mebbe it's the Pens fan in me talking, but I didn't see much of a beatdown. I saw rasslin' and body blows, but nothing worthy of Lucic's arms-in-the-air celebration.

Happy Leap Day birthdays to Henri "the pocket rocket" Richard and Simon "pocket Lindors" Gagne.

Also fuck Martin Biron right in his ear. Why did no one take a swing at that smarmy little runt? If Emery serves any purpose (clearly not stopping pucks) it should be to kick that cheese eating surrender monkey's ass.

God damn I love Jarko Ruutu's name. He sounds like he should be hanging around in Jaba the Hutt's lair or something.

First Anchorman...now Dumb and Dumber. If there is an Old School picture in the next NHL closer then someone is raiding my dvd collection.
Second, where's the Lockview Dragons update?

Third, is that your skates??? Both of them???
/sigh had to be done

@Sarcastro: I too am a bit biased, but I was thinking the same thing

Eklund admits himself he makes up bullshit for traffic.

As I've always said, the only bigger idiot than someone who reads Eklund and takes him seriously....is someone who pays to read Eklund.

[arcade punch-out!!! voice]
body blow
body blow
body blow
right hook
body blow
body blow...
[/arcade punch-out!!! voice]

While channel surfing last night, I actually stumbled across a hockey game (hey, neat!). In what I assume was the first Thrashers game without Hossa, there may have been 600 people at the Philips Arena to see them play the Islanders. But since we're talking about hockey in Atlanta, that might be an improvement. I don't know.

@Sarcastro: @BarbarobicsInstructor: Watching it live it seemed a little more epic. They were holding onto each others arms so long, the tension just kept building while you waited for someone to get their teeth punched in.

Not to mention the Bruins scored another goal not 20 seconds after Lucic got sent off and everyone was still standing. The video definitely suffers from lack of context.

@BarbarobicsInstructor: @Sarcastro: Sorry, but catching Lucic at the end of his shift and then allowing him to have that much offense is a beatdown. Even if the other guy fighting is Jarkko.

But I figure it all balances out for Pens fans in the video dept.: Ruuto losing a fight, and a moron in a Rangers' #68 jersey dancing to Duran Duran.

Lucic isn't a Puck Lion until Milano gets her hooks into him. I'm setting the O/U at March 23.

Boy, most of the comments here are wordy. That really has no place in the NHL Closer.

Hoc-key?

/pushing it

I don't know what the fuss is all about. Pascal Dupuis scored a goal for the Penguins last night. He was the true prize in the trade, right?

@Wyshynski: So I went to a boxing match last night and a hockey game broke out.

Better?

I wasn't that impressed by the fight, but at least they didn't lose their balance and immediately fall down.

I'm at a loss for comment on the Jagr video...

@Wyshynski: You don't need to be so Ruutu me.

I am fairly certain that was Martin Rucinsky dancing in that video.

@Camp Tiger Claw: I watched the game in a bar. Of the "fight", my wife kept saying, "Why aren't they hitting each other?"

Joe Bowen during the Leafs Thrashers game thought he was the funniest man on earth when he came up with "You me and Dupuis". It took a large amount of restraint not to drive my car into the support of a bridge so as to end the insanity.

HOOOOLLLYYYYY MACKIN... kablammo!

@Sarcastro: I'm sorry. I'll lighten up. How about a quick game of Jarkko Polo?

@LeNoceur: At the 1:40 mark of the video, did that guy have a fluffer or something?

As for those headshots...sean avery is beyond creepy in those thick black framed glasses

@Secret Identity:

The security force has taken you away yet?

@Sarcastro: Oh, the missus and her bloodlust!

@Wyshynski: Afterwards, we can have a glass of Per Djoos.

Howlin' Pelle Almqvist and Chris Dangerous: major, major yesses.

Blues suck.

That better Wyshynski?

@LeNoceur: Its his audition tape for the Czech version of Dancing with the Stars.

@Camp Tiger Claw: She is a vicious woman. Right now, she's still incredibly pissed the Colby Armstrong got traded. I think she'd gut Ray Shero if they ever met.

@Wyshynski: That video hurts too, but for a different reason. That muthafucka stole my orange sandals...

@Brad_Lee: Well, the Blues have taken a step back recently. I thought they'd be more active at the trade deadline. What happened: No pending UFAs to trade to contenders, only to re-sign them during the summer?

COMMUNISTS GIVE US UP THE BOMB

I can't believe I actually signed up for Eklund's site once. That was the worst 20 bucks I ever spent. The man's a tool.

For years i thought SeaBass was Roger Clemens. I looked it up and found out it was the fuckstick that did all those ESPN hockey commercials. I lost a bet. Thanks, Cam! TWAT.

@MENACEIISOBRIETY: Farrelly Bros. Trivia: Roger Clemens actually appeared as "Skidmark" in "Kingpin," which Gene Siskel once placed in this Top 10 movies of the year.

@Wyshynski:

What

@Dany Heatley Speedwagon:

said. Better?

"Caldwell floor hockey team wins Special Olympics gold."

Q: What's better than winning a gold at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded in the first place!

Ok., I'll go straight to hell. Will not pass Go and will not collect my $200.

Tell the truth - you found that video under a pile of pics from Abu Ghraib.

@HugsFromHarold: Ok., I'll go straight to hell. Will not pass Go and will not collect my $200.

That depends: Were you the retarded race car or the retarded shoe?

"Flu flu retarded shoe!"

/Stern fan

I once saw a giraffe with a longer neck than Valiquette's.
And, uh, a fire hydrant redder than Chelly's grill.

Sea-Bass? Did somebody recall Sebastien Caron? And, if so, why?

@Wyshynski: +1 for Gary the Retard

@Wyshynski: The Blues traded Doug Weight in December. (thank God he won't be back)

The UFA crop in STL was pretty thin: Jackman (re-signed), Salvador (a Devil--solid guy by the way), Ryan Johnson, Matt Walker and Martin Rucinsky. That's it.

The front office never said that next year was the target for the playoffs, but their actions did the talking. Tkachuk, Kariya, Mcdonald all signed through next year. No talk of trading any of them.

One of those signs in the video started with "Cena." I can only guess the rest of it translated to "sucks."

@THEGINOCIMOLICONSPIRACY: Pardon?

Not bad. Time youtube Wensink and Stan Jonathan....

@Encouraging Referee Pitman: I did not see a spinning championship belt in that video.

-As to eating a jersey cake, I refer you to Tom Petty's "Don't Come Around Here No More" video.

-Sending Yashin to Russia was a CIA plot to destroy Russian pro hockey leagues from the inside (Of course this isn't true, no one in the US cares about hockey).

-Fighting a guy with no helmet when you have your helmet and visor on is just wrong.

-And as the annoying Habs fan, let me clear a little something up about Boston. They are nowhere near--(checks standings)--holy shit! Where did they come from?

Swede or No Swede?

Jeff Cowan is No Swede. Alex Edler is a Swede.

What do I win?

@the sieve: Well, that's why I wrote "I think." The only Canucks I know by sight are the ones that are identical and that Italian kid in goal. But to answer your question: Congrats, your No-Prize in the mail!

@Bustin' Chops: Habs fan, eh? Gotta love an organization that arrogant to assume their rookie goalie is going to be Dryden or Roy without an insurance policy.

It'd be sweet if Lemieux would come and play again to help the Pens deal with all the injuries. I'd be impressed.