In its ongoing search for Rich Rodriguez's successor as head football coach, West Virginia is extending the scope to include its intellectual superiors: 12-year-olds, dude. Yes, wee Joshua Irizarry - of the Connecticut Irizarrys - sent an application and the school took him semi-kinda-jokingly-seriously. Well, they didn't immediately throw it away at least. And hey, he's been a Mountaineers fan since he was 4, which was... not that long ago.
Insisting it was "a completely serious offer," the Connecticut boy outlined his skills in a letter to WVU President Mike Garrison when the job opened up in December. They included "making up new plays to fool defenses in local sandlot games."
Is that what they're calling the Big East these days? HEY-O!
And he showed a knack for public relations: "Consider the publicity your campus would receive," he wrote. "I understand this would be a move more suited for a team like Temple, but I am just asking for your consideration."
"Don't think of this as hiring a 12-year-old kid from a nowhere town, but think of this as hiring a dedicated football mind trying to help a team," he pleaded. "I would work for any conditions you would wish to provide."
In the end, Garrison settled for what he assured the boy was "an equally qualified candidate" to succeed Rich Rodriguez, who quit in December for the same post at Michigan. Former WVU assistant coach Bill Stewart now holds the title.
See, that's where you screwed up, kid. This is West Fucking Virginia. They need to know how well you chuck a battery. But maybe you'll get that Temple job yet.