Deadspin
The Boston sports media, as able documented here regularly, is a sniping, insular, sometimes vindictive lot, not just to the players they cover, but often to themselves. It appears now, however, that the universe is striking back.
It's pelicans and foul balls that are attacking the Boston contingent.
Seitaro Shimomura, who covers the Sox for the Japanese newspaper YOMIURI SHIMBUN, showed up late to Tradition Field for a game vs. the Mets. The reason? Car trouble - a pelican smashed his windshield.
Meanwhile, Joe McDonald of the PROVIDENCE JOURNAL was able to make it to the ballpark without running into any fowl play - only to have his laptop smashed by a foul ball during a clubhouse interview with Jon Lester.
Soon, frogs will fall from the sky, and the plague on Boston-area sports writers will be complete. Dan Shaughnessy has so much love to give; he just doesn't know where to put it.
Red Sox Beat Writers Meet Foul And Fowl Play [Sports By Brooks]
Comments
I thought having a large, seafaring bird smash into your car was a sign of good luck in Japan?
It was on March 10, 2008 that P.E.L.I.C.A.N. became self-aware, and decided to rid the Earth of the human plague. Taking control of the US national defense grid, it fired a single salvo of every nuclear weapon in the country. And so began....
... the pelican holocaust.
DUN DUN DUN DA DUN
Somebody get Jay Mariotti a job at the Boston Globe, stat!
Kevin Youkilis says "Let me people go!"
The puns up there are almost as awful as the puns down here.
How much money does Varitek need before he gets a decent haircut?
"YOMIURI SHIMBUN" sounds like some sexual maneuver that would leave you sore for a day or two.
"....and that's why the Two Handed Undergrip method of beatin' the meat is way better than the Cup the Balls technique"
Dan Shaughnessy has so much love to give; he just doesn't know where to put it.
I heard it was in 12 year-old Laotians, but I could be wrong.
Looks like Dice-K visited the Roger Clemens Institute for Sports Medicine in the offseason.
Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, Red Sox reporters getting crapped on...MASS HYSTERIA!
/Director's Cut
Should have been you, Bob Ryan.
I'd have to imagine that, if I was a pelican in the near vicinity of the Boston Red Sox, that I, too, would throw myself into an oncoming windshield.
Moments before, the pelican was heard to say, "this is for Pearl Harbor, bitch!"
@GetThisThingOutOfMyAss: "Say... you guys got any more of that hardcore Sailor Moon porn? It's for, um, Papelbon. Yeah, that's who it's for."
In Japan, dead relatives often reincarnate as clumsy low-flying birds*.
*probably not true
@sir_pantsalot: YOMIURI SHIMBUN" sounds like some sexual maneuver that would leave you sore for a day or two or result in anal fissures.
As long as we get to see players in their pelican briefs...
Tripp Isenhour isn't looking so crazy now, is he?
Good news: the crash with the Pelican was localized and Brief.
The Japanese media are just loving Varitek's Isuro Tanaka impression.
"We have a saying over here in America, If a bird crashes through a windshield, two of you guys have to blow me."
@Chief Wahoo:
Nicely done.
Dan doesn't tell us off whose bat that otherwise stray foul ball that destroyed McDonald's computer came, so I'm going to have to assume Joe Morgan was taking some hacks for the Sox since he hates computers so much.
@TheStarterWife: The only thing less likely than a kamikaze pelican is Julia Roberts figuring out that conspiracy. Two hours and eight bucks wasted on that piece of shite.
Dave Winfield actually threw the pelican at the car. He hates birds, and the Japanese
Varitek shrewdly peppers all of his answers with Gung Ho references
This bodes well for my hope that Simmons gets taken out by Paris Hilton's queephus pitch at that big Dodgers/Sox game later this month.
Meh. The Rays are definitely the new Red Sox. They're brawlin' with the Yankees in spring training now. [sports.espn.go.com]
Somewhere in Palms Park, Jonathan Papelbon, Jerry Remy, Tito Francona, and Mike Lowell simultaneously start singing "Wake Up."
/watched Magnolia this weekend
Red Sox Beat Reporters have birds crash through their window. Red Sox Scouts get reported for beating off in a window.
@the earl of weaver: @the earl of weaver: Still cracking up about the Queefus.
Post of the year.
I thought it was pronounced perican?
Wow, that was a hell of a jump - "The Boston sports media is evil, so naturally it deserved the two stray accidents involving a pelican and a foul ball, even though one of the reporters was Japanese."
@A Pimp Named Daver4470: +1
@FThat: Supermike?
On an off-topic but sort of related note, Bill Simmons channeled Mitch Albom in his prime today.
@PeteJayhawk: There are infinitely more jerk Boston fans than supermike.
You took steroids and you stirr suck ahahaha that is hirarious
Varitek is telling the Asain reporters the results of when he and Ichiro compared cocks.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Man, I hate Boston sports.
@byproxy: And he also totally spoiled the last season of the Wire, which I haven't watched yet.
The asshole.
@Clare: While Sean Casey found John C. Reilly's gun and Curt Schilling pissed himself.
I still wonder how Melora Walters doesn't get more work after that movie. She rocks.
@FThat: I thought Boston fans sort of took it in turns to act as a sort of executive asshat for the week?
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