Deadspin
As much as we might enjoy the mental image of the Dallas Morning News' Tim McMahon, the Los Angeles Times' Andrew Kamenetzky and True Hoop's Henry Abbott pulling the old crouch-and-shove on a security guard and high-stepping it into the locker room, frantically typing while running around ina circle around a naked Dirk Nowitzki, their actual experience during the Lakers' win over the Mavericks last night was less cinematic. They just weren't let in the Mavericks' locker room, because they use different software than Sam Smith.
Our favorite part about reading the accounts from Kamenetzky, McMahon and Abbott this morning is that Mark Cuban had specifically given their individual names to the man standing guard at the locker room's door.
I asked the PR staff as soon as I got here if I would be allowed in, so there were no surprises. But as it happened, I had to go through the same door later to talk to a Mavericks staffer. And a security guard took a look at my credential, and said, very nicely, "you know you're banned, right?"
I ended up having to loiter with the guard for a while as I got clearance to talk to said staffer. We talked a little. I had heard that before the game tonight they had to distribute lists with the names of the bloggers. And this poor dude was the one stuck with the embarrassing task of enforcing this goofy ban. And as I was small talking to the guy, another staffer — blogger alert! — rushed over to ask the security guard if everything was OK.
Honestly, that guy has the coolest job title of all time: Blogger Wrangler. That has to jump out at you on a resume, you know?
Another fun highlight of blog affaire de Cuban: Tom Jolly, the sports editor of The New York Times, mistakenly thinking he could somehow reason with Cuban. (Mr. Jolly: Don't bother! It doesn't work!)
The real enjoyment of this will be when the Mavericks fall off in the next couple of years, and suddenly the team actually needs bloggers for some coverage. Seem strange? It shouldn't; That's what the Pacers are doing. They're just happy they have people who still care about the Pacers. Someday the Mavs might be in the same position.
Pity The Security Guard [True Hoop]
Comments
I thought Blogger Wranglers were pizza roll resistant jeans you wore in your mom's basement.
When the bloggers joined up to rush the door, security repelled them with a spotlight.
Tim, I just gotta tell you, that was,seriously, that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.
@Camp Tiger Claw: they also hide the mtn dew stains...
@Camp Tiger Claw: I thought it was the new jeep package that included internet access and extra wide seats.
Cue Yakkety Sax..............now.
Damn, I was hoping this was going to be like a Benny Hill skit with Mark Cuban chasing people with a huge net.
Laugh it up, Cuban, but we get Hot Pockets hand-delivered to us by a woman almost any time we want!
Why is Mark Cuban in the Bada Bing's VIP room?
He's just the first layer of defense, if you can make it past him you meet the dreaded Costas/Kornheiser duo. if you can pass that ambiguously gay duo, then, and only then, can you talk to a naked dirk.
@Sh!tShow: PSHHH! Blogger's don't own cars. They ride the bus while pretending they're cab-hopping a-la Sex In The City
Peter King would like to buy 26 pairs of your blogger Wranglers. 48 x 34, with the balloon seat.
Bummer. I was hoping the confrontations would be more like those in "Black Sheep":
Bouncer: Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
Blogger: Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, asshole!
Bouncer: Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!
@Gourmet Spud: I would say they repelled them with real live women.
If the GSTF book tour taught us anything it's that they should have just gotten a woman to stand at the door of the locker room.
What's Mike Greenberg doing behind Cuban???
@LeagueofShadows: DAMMIT... if this was the wild west I'd be dead.
All of this could be solved in Henry Abbott was allowed to write, like, one sentence in the next ESPN Magazine. Klosterman can spare one.
Man, there's beer in there... this is bullshit.
From Indy Cornrows: "During a quarter break, the Pacers honored a 14 year old kid from Zionsville for skipping his birthday party and instead organizing a fund raiser for relief efforts in Darfur. I didn't even clap for the kid." LeBron would be proud.
You see Henry, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta blog about me nicely.
Do security guards have resumes? Not knocking the honored profession of mall guarding, but it seems a bit much.
Mark, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So today, I welcome male pattern baldness and undersized genitalia into my circle of confidants.
Cuban looks like a Muppett.
That's all I got.
meanwhile Skip Bayless was allowed to frolic in the shower. Life is not fair...
Lou Dobbs thinks we should treat immigrants more like bloggers.
What about vloggers? Could Kige get in?
Mavericks Locker Room now comes equipped with velvet rope.
How great would it be if the blogger bouncer was Ogre from "Revenge of the Nerds?" Which automatically makes Cuban the Ted McGinley of the NBA.
But my girlfriend is in there!
Man, lots of peoples' girlfriends are in there.
The bloggers couldn't get in but somehow Skeet Ulrich's name was on the list and he just breezed through the locker room door.
@Stev D:
Technically yes, but he has a court order requiring that he be surrounded by wood panelling at all times. It's the only thing that calms him.
@Im a people person. Who drinks.: If they do, I imagine they make numerous references to and private sanitation and small loan businesses.
PERHAPS THIS BAG OF CHEESEY DOODLEZ WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND?
None of this would have happened if the blogging community just anted up a few more hat-tips to Blog Maverick.
The Mavericks are Cuban's private business. He can allow anyone he wants r doesn't want in or out. This idea that a different class of writers should expect the same treatment (or be offended if they don't get it) as the folks who have been covering their beat for years is laughable.
This is not the way to end the "unemployed losers in their parents basement" stereotype. If bloggers are so offended at their lack of access, then they should boycott writing about the Mavs.
@Camp Tiger Claw: Bloggers don't have girlfriends
Why didn't Cuban just tell his wrangler to watch out for guys in black t-shirts with emo bangs?
@SlickBomb:
That argument doesn't necessarily hold since these are writers from "legitimate" institutions - the Dallas Morning News, the LA Times, and ESPN - who happen to write in a blog-like format as opposed to in a more traditional column format. I doubt very much that if all of a sudden Chad Ford started using a more blog-like format that Cuban would bar him from the locker room.
Is this whole thing a bit like Kimmel's "techically, Joe Theisman is banned from MNF" argument?
Perhaps Cuban's security team should have faced the other direction to ensure that Jason Kidd didn't disappear from the arena last night.
The "crotch and shove" is more effective.
Screech got in?!
"you know you're banned, right?"
and thus, Henry Abbott lived a day in the life of Supermike
@Lady Andrea: I hope they let him join the club and get the jacket.
I can picture Cuban hiring Uncle Ruckus from "The Boondocks" to perform these oh-so-important blogger wrangling duties.
What screech doesn't know if Mark Cuban is about to:
A.) shoot lasers from his yes
B.) eat screech's brain
C.) Ask "who let randy johnson in here?"
D.) Offer to get a few drinks then pull a Jim McGreevy
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