Because we're complete morons, and who knows if you'll even see any of this, but we're going to go ahead and try to live blog this last set of games. Well worth all the effort we've put in, absolutely. Grrr. Anyway, a full slate of afternoon games for you: We have PIttsburgh vs. Oral Roberts, UNLV vs. Kent State, Purdue vs. Baylor and Marquette vs. Kentucky. Let's tip this off again, after the jump.
4:44: Let's see. UNLV is up by 21, Pittsburgh by 23 and Purdue by 20. And this game is officially over. So do we wrap up the live blog? We say yes. We'll try again tomorrow. We hope you can see it.
4:42: And no sooner do we get excited ... and then Kentucky turns the ball over, and this game is done.
4:41: Another three for Kentucky after two Marquette free throws makes it a two-point game. FINALLY. Something worth watching today.
4:36: Holy crap: Joe Crawford has the NBA Jam hot flame shit thing going now. He hits a double-clutch 3-pointer to bring Kentucky within three with less than a minute left. That's 33 points for him. Even if Kentucky loses, can we let him keep playing?
4:32: Actually, Joani Crean, Tom's wife, is more attractive than any of the Kentucky cheerleaders. She kind of has an Amanda Peet vibe going.
4:31: Kentucky won't give! Are they still playing the rest of the games? By the way, we would have thought Kentucky's cheerleaders would be hotter.
4:30: As our man Raftery might say ... THE DAGGER. Jerome McNeil hits a fadeaway as the shotclock runs out. Marquette by eight with 2:11 to go. Which is probably gonna do it.
4:28: And just like that Joe Crawford almost gets three the hard way, which gives him 30. Heavens. Wildcats down by six.
4:27: Marquette might be pulling away: They're now up by 8 with three minutes to go. Bilas sounds disappointed. We know how he feels.
4:21: Wildcats within three with five minutes left. Without Mr. Patterson (prominently featured in God Save The Fan, by the way.) Will we — LO! — actually have a close finish today?
4:17: We're just gonna be doing this Kentucky game now, because every other game is 20 points plus. Just to make us crazy, Kentucky doesn't get a shot off in 35 seconds. We are not seeing the most beautiful basketball right now.
4:11: Kentucky is doing everything in their power to keep hanging around: Joe Crawford just hit another three, and now he has 28 points. The rest of the team: 21. They're down by five. Somebody check on Kige!
4:07: Best graphic of this game: Bradley/Crawford: 35 points. Rest of Kentucky Wildcats: 8. And Bradley just picked up his fourth foul. This is not going to end well.
4:04: Kentucky needs to keep this close, or this whole afternoon is going to be a bust. The closest game right now is 18 points.
4:02: You know, everyone in the Gatorade commercial is spraying that shit all over their face. That has to be sticky.
3:58: So wait, the bald guy in the Sonic cinnasnack commercial is supposed to be married to that lady in the car? Right.
3:54: You really have to look at the stats of this Kent State game. They are:
*** 5-of-24 from the field.
*** 0-of-7 from 3-point range.
*** 0-of-2 from the free throw line.
*** in danger of setting the all time tournament record for turnovers. (They have 17 so far.)
UNLV isn't even playing that well — they're shooting 33 percent — and they're up by 21. Crazy.
3:46: This Joe Crawford fellow for Kentucky is awfully fun to watch; he has 19 of Kentucky's 36 points, and that game is tied. Which is good, because it's the only game worth watching right now.
3:43: And here we are again, with a ring of blowouts. Pittsburgh by 21, Purdue by 13, and UNLV up 31-10 at halftime. No underdogs to root for here, unless you're counting Kentucky. And we really can't ever count Kentucky as an underdog, ever.
3:40: Sorry: Drew Neitzel sometimes reminds us of Powder. It's true.
3:38: How bad is the Pitt game getting? The Panthers are on an 18-0 run right now. They're up 15. Purdue is hammering Baylor too. What'd we tell you about the Big Ten?
3:34: Man. This Pitt game is getting out of hand. They're now up by 11. But the UNLV game is beyond brutal. Not a good day for the MAC there.
3:31: Just because Roger Federer, Thierry Henry and Tiger Woods are promoting a razor called "Phenom," you cannot, in fact, call them "phenoms." They're dominant forces in their sports. And "dominant forces" is a better name for a razor anyway.
3:28: Pittsburgh starting to pull away a little bit from Oral Roberts, but we have faith in those evangelists. UNLV is crushign Kent. With 3:45 left in the first half, the Golden Flashes have eight points. (And 14 turnovers.) We're sure that one's a blast to watch.
3:25: We hope everyone is enjoying Big Daddy Drew's column ... if you happen to catch it in one of the rare moments it hasn't disappeared from the site. WHAT A DAY.
3:21: Anybody watching the March Madness On Demand is officially encouraged to check out the halftime show. It's what the CBS halftime show would look like if it were staged by the AV Club from Rushmore.
3:19: UNLV is all over Kent State. Long live the unibrow! Kentucky is hanging around Marquette. We repeat: The Big Ten is going 4-0 in the first round. Baylor, as likable as they are, is down by two early.
3:14: Gus Johnson insults millions of Americans. "He didn't go to junior college because he wasn't smart. He went because no one else wanted him to play." The rest of you morons who went to junior college ... WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?
3:12: Lest we forget: KATHIE LEE GIFFORD went to Oral Roberts. No wonder Frank cheated on her.
3:11: What are the odds that Oral Roberts himself has ever met a single one of his players? One assumes constant admonitions of "If you lose this game, the Lord will take you" would prove demoralizing.
3:07: Another cool thing about Oral Roberts? Their leading scorer is Robert Jarvis, who is 5-foot-10 and comes off the bench. Love guys like that.
3:05: The local game in NYC is Pittsburgh-Oral Roberts. Gus Johnson, Oral Roberts. What more could a growing boy ask? (Other than, you know, the freaking site to work on one of the biggest sports days of the year.)
3:03: Of all the 8-9 games, there seemed to be the largest consensus on the UNLV-Kent State game. People loved the Golden Flashes. But they're down 9-2 early. Still: Go Oral Roberts.
2:58: The UNLV game has tipped off, and we are reminded how much we love Lon Kruger's unibrow. We were actually at the Daily Illini when Kruger was hired by Illinois, and he amazed us in his first interview by not knowing that Illinois had a Chief controversy. That was awesome. He was totally prepared.
2:55: We don't know why Jay Bilas doesn't do more regular broadcasting analysis during the year. We really do like him. We bet CBS never lets him do a Duke game, though.
2:53: Hey. Look. The site is updating. It's amazing what modern technology can do for humanity, when prodded. Anyway, Kentucky looks awfully undermatched against Marquette. We're just waiting for the Oral Roberts game anyway.
2:42: The Kentucky game has tipped off. WE ARE SO EXCITED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH THIS INFORMATION THAT YOU CANNOT SEE.