Deadspin
You've scored some well-earned vacation time, and you're booked for a week or two at the finest resort you can find. Time to check in, unpack, and ... order room service? A larger TV? Five-diamond hookers? Well, no; if you're Denver Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall, it's time for a McDonald's run! But be careful where you leave the bag.
In what could be the greatest injury excuse since Jeff Kent "slipped and fell while washing his truck," Marshall injured himself on Saturday after, he says, slipping on a McDonald's bag while vacationing in Orlando, Fla.
Marshall, who had a 102 receptions in his second season with the Broncos last year, said his arm went through a TV entertainment center as he tried to brace his fall after slipping on the bag at the Westgate Lakes Resort. Along with the cast, Marshall also received stitches in his arm, but he did not know how many, according to the Internet report.
Has no one learned from the mistakes of Marcus Vick?
Comments
Mayor McCheese has ordered a full investigation. To go.
Even when he's retired, Warren Sapp still impacts the NFL.
"...arm went through a TV entertainment center..."
Ouch. That story made me Grimace.
Shoulda been you, Elway.
So, did that McDonald's bag cut-block him?
he was obviously just lunging at his girlfriend for a slap. its all the rage these days
After this, his fantasy stock value is going to take a quarter-pounding.
Come on. This can't be real. Somebody's McRibbing me.
I would have gone with the "thought I heard the Hamburglar breaking in" excuse.
He's actually pretty lucky, considering what a McDonalds meal can do to your body.
Seeking to bolster the Lions' abysmal pass defense, Matt Millen immediately signed the bag to a 3 year, $18 mil deal.
Sure he slipped on a McDonald's bag, but he left out the part about snorting an 8-ball and drinking 17 beers before-hand.
I remember that time Roy Tarpley accidentally slipped on on a bag of Funyons and found his face entrenched in a pricey pile of coke.
Hospitalize Me
The hot side stay hot, the cool side stays cool and HOLY GOD MY ARM! DIAL 911!
If he'd gone to Burger King, he could've gotten busy in the restroom. His mistake.
Still more believeable than when John Amaechi hurt himself in the ball pit.
@ClueHeywood: Just goes along with the rest of the trash he sends onto the field year after year...
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, fifteen stitches on a sesame seed bun.
In other news, Patriots receiver Randy Moss injured his arm when he slipped on a dime bag. Like Marshall, Moss was also unable to remember the number of stitches in his arm, though he commented through a spokesperson that they were "really the shizzle, homie".
"Big Mac, McDLT, cracked ulbar tunerosity..."
To be fair, McDonalds is regarded as high end cuisine in Orlando.
Have a nice trip, see you next fall.
Bill Grammatica understands this guy's pain.
@Gourmet Spud: +1
♫ everybody slice your arm
clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap
I'm into sutures, y'all.
I'm into sutures, y'all.
Taco Bell has hurt me worse than McDonald's ever could.
@Gourmet Spud:
*tuberosity.
I failed anatamatology.
Ronald McDonald was seen later taunting the Burger King.
I once slipped on a Sonic bag and ended up hilt deep in Mrs. Redfern's fundament.
You go all the way to Orlando to find a McDonalds that's serving the McRib, and look what happens.
Sounds like Marshall's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
@UkraineNotWeak: Things could have been worse, he could have gone to Jack in the Box and contracted E. Coli.
On second thought, he knows what he could have caught in the BK bathroom.
@LeagueofShadows: "No one likes to see weepy meat."
Bah-da-bah-bah-bahhh
I'm breakin' shit
@The Fan's Attic: Did he once get busy in a Burger King bathroom?
If only they still had Elam to kick the PAT, this headline could go to overtime.
Filet O'Fishes get stitches.
...I'll show myself out.
I guess Hakeem was forced to thrash him.
Brandon Marshall: Questionable (taste in fast food)
Seriously, that's fucking terrible. Is the entertainment center OK?
The cast is a result of the fall, but those stitches come courtesy of Captain Crook.
I once slipped on a bag, entering a Wendy.
/shows self out
CAUTION: COFFEE MAY BE HOT, PAPER BAG MAY BE SLIPPERY, VOICES IN YOUR HEAD PROBABLY NOT TELLING YOU TO KILL
I'm surprised Kaz Matsui didn't use this excuse to explain away his anal fissures.
A moment on the lips, four weeks in a sling.
this post is making me hungry
This year he'll be wearing "HE ATE ME" instead of his name on his jersey.
Thanks for reaffirming what Morgan Spurlock blabbered on about for 90 minutes, Brandon.
This is racial profiling. Everybody blames the Irish.
In other news, Jokey Smurf has finally exhausted his supply of yellow boxes and red ribbons.
Off the entertainment center. Nothing but glass.
/Larry Bird
Flopped like the Arch Deluxe (or Greg Paulus).
/2nd Arch Deluxe reference in 24 hours; not good
@phillas: I bet George would do a better version of that.
the last time we tripped on a bag it was a lot cooler than this.
/gonzaga basketball team
@Chamomiles Davis: yes, see @UkraineNotWeak: